I dreamed a dream
by Arlad
Summary: AU After the last fishing trip, Ennis hears a song that makes him reflect and react... he decides he wants to try and make the dream of a sweet life with Jack a reality. However, our cowboys must face some obstacles before the dream can happen.
1. Chapter 1

**I dreamed a dream **

He was idly switching from radio station to radio station, when a soft voice and a phrase caught his ear.

"_I dreamed a dream in time gone by  
When hope was high  
And life worth living'  
I dreamed that love would never die  
I dreamed that God would be forgiving  
Then I was young and unafraid  
And dreams were made and used and wasted  
There was no ransom to be paid  
No song unsung, no wine untasted"_

He never heard songs like this, not his style.. but the words pouring out of that old, battered radio were making him remember, making him think… making him hurt.

"_But the tigers come at night  
With their voices soft as thunder  
As they tear your hope apart  
And they turn your dream to shame"  
_

He remembered the beginning, being young and hopeful in his way, dreaming of having his own ranch, of being his own person away from the shadow of a cold childhood. And then Brokeback happened… and it got him good. Those dammed sheep, that endless sky, that man… that man. It was the best summer of his life, the first time in his life that he felt… cared for, like somebody actually gave a thought to what happened to him, to who he was.

''_He slept a summer by my side  
He filled my days with endless wonder  
He took my childhood in his stride  
But he was gone when autumn came''_

Not that he would have really admitted that to himself, not back then. He couldn't say that he loved another man, desired another man, wanted to spend his life with him, no matter how much dreams of such a sweet life haunted him. He was no queer, and such a thing just wasn't done. So he got of that mountain, and the real world caught up with them, real life overtook the dream.

Four years went by and then… that reunion, that kiss, that longing. By then, he knew it had been love, knew what a mistake it had been to let each other out of their sights. But it was done, and they had to stand it, 'cause they sure as hell couldn't fix it now. Still… the fishing trips were never enough, never enough. Too fast, too powerful, too little, too soon. It was like having a sip of water when dying of dehydration, and that sip driving you mad instead of giving you comfort. He still dreamed his dream… but it turned to torture, over the years.

"_And still I dream he'll come to me  
That we will live the years together  
But there are dreams that cannot be  
And there are storms we cannot weather"_

Near twenty years now… and he could feel himself dying inside, every day, every hour, every minute. Dying, shutting down, drowning in bitterness, in lost hopes, in the inevitability of thinking of him, in the futility of bringing him to his mind and dreaming… But he had to stand it. Right?

_"I had a dream my life would be  
So different from this hell I'm living  
So different now from what it seemed  
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed."_

The lyrics struck him then, harder than a fall off a frisky mare. His life was almost gone… and he hadn't lived any of it, not really. All he had were fractured dreams and memories he relied on to get him through his miserable existence, memories he needed more than breathing, even if they were a poor substitute for the real thing. He pictured his face then, saw the man he loved, throughout the years. His face at the beginning, mirroring his strange fear and exhilaration at what happened to them… his quiet, hidden sadness when they parted. That disbelieving happiness and amazement when they saw each other again after four years, that something in his embrace that let him know that they were at last, at last, complete once more. And then, the fishing trips. The way he looked like he'd finally come home when they met up after a few months… and the small shattering, the poignant heartache he tried hard to hide every time they parted.

But he was getting worse at hiding it now, much worse… because all those heartaches had broken his heart in the end, near enough broken his spirit. Broken both of them, really. And he couldn't pretend he didn't see anymore, didn't feel it as well.

The last trip had been rough, bittersweet. They fought at the end, finally let out so much that they had been keeping back. And it was far too long until they saw each other again… it was always too long, but this time it was almost too much, he could barely breathe sometimes.

The song came to an end then, the quiet desperation in the singer's voice mirroring his own feelings. Life had killed his dream… life, and his own actions. He recalled the last time he saw him, the last blessed second. Those eyes… not bright and hopeful anymore. Just tired, too heartbroken and bitter.

Tears sprang to his eyes then, tears of mourning for the dream he had dreamed, tears for the man he had broke, tears for his own empty husk of a self.

He couldn't stand it anymore. Not anymore…

So he decided to fix it. It could be too late, but he had to try,

His trembling hand picked up the phone, he shakily dialed and tried to calm his ragged breathing.

"Hello?", answered a familiar voice,

"Jack?" he whispered.

Author's note: ok, I guess Andrew Lloyd Webber might kill me for this, but I heard this song sung by a man… and it made me cry! Then Brokeback took over, I could just picture Jack thinking this. And then imagined Ennis hearing his thoughts. It is my first ever fanfic, hope it's not too dreadful! Also, English isn't my first language, so if there are any horrid mistakes let me know.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Brokeback Mountain or it's wonderful characters, they are used for entertainment purposes only.

**I dreamed a dream **

Chapter 2

"Hello?", answered a familiar voice.

"Jack?" he whispered.

"Ennis? That you?" came the surprised reply.

"Uh… yeah, Jack…"what could he say? 'Hi, I heard a song, made me realize I was bloody miserable and felt like I was killing both of us, so I want to have a life with you'? Yeah, right.

"Why you callin' friend?" Jack asked, his voice faintly worried, "Everthing alrigh'?"

"Yeah, yeah… I juss… Jack, I…" Ennis choked up. He had to say it. Before he lost Jack for good, before the silence did kill one of them. No more fear.

"Ennis? What is it?" Jack queried again.

Ennis took a deep breath, and was about to spill it all out when he heard a voice in the background… a man's voice.

"Who's that on the phone, Jack? Hang up, boy, we ain't got too much time afore Lureen comes home"

He heard Jack's sharp intake of breath, could picture his startled jump, like a little kid getting caught opening up the Christmas presents before time.

Ennis could feel a torrent of emotions surging through him… fear, anger, jealousy, pain… pain. Had Jack replaced him already? Had he finally figured out how to quit him?

"It's my fishin' buddy… gotta talk to him about our next trip." Through the blinding haze of his emotions, he heard Jack answer.

"Uh… Ennis? Still there?" Jack's hesitant voice made Ennis react.

"Who the hell is that with you Jack?" he growled, low and dangerous like a threatened lion.

"It's… it's my friend, Randall… he…"

"Oh, your 'friend', is he? Like I'm your friend? Answer me, dammit!" Ennis demanded, almost yelling now.

"Listen, Ennis, Randall is just a friend who I might take up to my daddy's place, to fix it up" Jack said quickly.

"A friend, is he? Jack fucking Twist… you tell me the truth!"

"It's the truth you sonofabitch! He might help me out with my daddy's ranch…Like I asked you to a million times, only you wasn't interested! You ain't never interested! So don't try an' make me feel like I'm the scum o' the earth for havin' a friend here." Jack replied, anger and sadness in his voice.

Ennis was about to make an angry reply when he remembered the song… remembered why he had called Jack in the first place.

He shut his eyes, took a deep, calming breath. If Jack had tried to find someone who was actually there for him… it really wasn't Jack's fault. He had asked Ennis to go with him to Lightning Flat more times than he could count, and every single time, Ennis had said no. The tire irons always killing the small part of him that still dreamed.

"Why did you call me anyway Ennis?" Jack whispered.

"I… I got to thinkin' Jack. I can't rightly say it on the phone but… d'you think I could… come an' see you?" Ennis asked. It was about time he started making the moves, not letting Jack do everything.

"You'd come Ennis?" Jack's voice had an almost childlike wonder. Ennis wondered just how hard it had been on him that he was always the one making the effort, putting in the miles, never getting anything back.

"Yeah, Jack. Juss… juss tell me when."

"Uh… how 'bout… next weekend?" Jack hesitated "Ennis, you sure you can? Don't you got work?"

Ennis had to smile in tenderness. Even after all the pain, all the disappointment, Jack still worried about what would be best for him. He deserved Ennis' effort.

"Next weekend sounds fine, Jack. I'll be there." Ennis assured him. "See you soon, rodeo."

They hung up, and Ennis was left with his jumbled thoughts and feelings. He was going to see Jack… he missed him bad. But, even if he saw him, could he fix it? Could one meeting make up for twenty years of keeping quiet, of holding back?

He felt another jolt of anxiety… and what about Jack's new friend?


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Brokeback Mountain or any of it's characters, they are used for entertainment purposes only. I also do not own the song 'Long Forgotten' by Oceansize, just borrowing it!

**I dreamed a dream**

Chapter 3

Ennis was coming.

Jack couldn't believe it, had to pinch himself to make sure it wasn't just another dream, another moment of weakness when the wanting got so bad he almost hallucinated.

It was finally Friday night, he was driving back home after work… and Ennis was coming. The weekend, he'd said. It was the weekend at last.

He was too jittery, too much like a high school boy with a crush. 'Well,' he thought to himself 'When it comes to Ennis, I ain't never been much better than that… all butterflies in my stomach, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed'.

He turned on the radio on his brand new truck, changing station to station until the sound of a slow, mournful cello brought him to a stop. It sounded like he had felt for so long… it sounded like a beautiful heartache.

_These are the secrets you will share  
These are the words you cannot bear  
This is the sight you'll never see  
Now that you have forgotten me  
The voice that tempted you away  
The deepest hole in which I stay  
I miss you most my darkest hour  
I'm wondering where the hell you are_

The lyrics seemed to reflect him at his worst, when the distance, the years, the throbbing, constant ache in his heart got to be too much… and the yoke of memories drove him to his knees, the weight deep, bittersweet and familiar. It was those nights when he drank himself to oblivion, when the longing was so terrible that no Mexico and no half-baked dream of Ennis could do.

It was those nights when he cried himself to sleep and begged for an absolution… begged for the end of such anguish. And somewhere in his drunken, tortuous stupor he knew that he loved Ennis so much, he didn't want an end after all.

What did it mean? Than Ennis had called him, now, after so long? That in that hesitant voice he'd said what Jack had wanted to hear for so long? "Can I come… an' see you?"

He thought back to that last meeting, that fight, the final breaking of a dam that had been building up for years now, building up with silence, heartache, broken hopes, shattered dreams.

Truth be told, after that day… he felt he had to quit Ennis, had to learn how to quit him. That final burst had put them both in the edge of something… he felt something had to change. Was it his absolution, come at last, after all this time? Was it the end?

Or maybe another beginning? 'Ah, quit it, Jack fuckin' Twist… you spent your whole damn life in a dream… a dream… and it ain't gonna happen. What do you need to make you know that?'

But, damn that man, he loved him. Loved him more than he loved himself, his dignity, his sanity… loved him so much that he had taken all the pain of being with Ennis, just to get the joy. Took in being a secret, a sin, something wrong… even while they both knew it was the only thing that had ever been right in their life.

_  
Too late to tell you, you were wrong  
Another word to dwell upon  
You could have waited for me  
Like I was waiting just for you  
_

Yes, he had waited alright. Waited all his life, pretended that the motions of survival he went through every day resembled life. Wake up, jerk off, have coffee… attempt yet again to talk to Lureen about a tutor for Bobby… go to work, put up with L.D., put on a fake bright smile and sell tractors to fat, complacent businessmen. Then drive back and drown his sorrow in whisky, in beer… in Randall.

_  
And did you ever stop to think  
About how low that you could sink  
And down the low, our deepest sigh  
Within yourself you cannot hide  
_

How low had he sunk? Pretending Randall could ever be, mean anything remotely close to what Ennis was? He had a feeling Randall was using him, for the exact same reasons Jack was using him.

It was so hard… so hard. So hard to pretend he wasn't human, didn't have longings. Ennis tried so arduously to deny he was 'queer', he would never admit those longings and desires could extend to another man besides Jack. Jack, however, was weak enough, or man enough, depending how you looked at it, to admit in the privacy of his thoughts that he was, after all, queer. 'What would my daddy think o' that, now?' he wondered bitterly.

_  
Do photographs and faces lie?  
Why did I never wonder why?  
Why I was waiting for you?_

Why, indeed? Why had he waited? For almost twenty years, through more hurt and disappointment than he ever believed he could bear.

'Who are you kiddin', Jack Twist?' he whispered 'You waited… 'cause of love.'

The last poignant notes of the song came then, and Jack was parked outside of his house. He noticed a dark figure huddled in the front porch… a figure more familiar to Jack than anything in this world.

"Ennis?" he said.

Author's note: I was listening to this song, and felt that there had to be a chapter of Jack thinking, to put him into the same sort of expectancy Ennis is in now… hope it worked! And if you haven't heard it, download 'Long Forgotten' by Oceansize, it really is a beautifully sad song. Thank you so much to all the people who have commented on this, you make my day!


	4. Chapter 4

**I dreamed a dream**

Chapter 4

"Ennis?" he said, slowly getting out of the truck.

The figure straightened itself quickly, and came forward. In the soft glow given off by the moon, full and bright, as if to cast a magical haze upon their meeting, Jack discerned Ennis' features, all silver angles and golden curls.

"Jack." Ennis whispered, "Jack fuckin' Twist".

And instead of a dashing run, he moved in slow, measured steps. When he reached Jack, instead of a mad embrace, his hand came up to caress Jack's cheek, to caress all of Jack's face like a blind man remembering familiar territory. He felt more than saw that Jack had shaved off that mustache of his, maybe the passing remark he'd made last time about Jack taking on Aguirre's look had not gone unmarked.

Jack was trembling slightly at the butterfly touch, and his body moved towards Ennis' of its own accord.

Then, when it felt like they were going to die if they didn't… they kissed. Soft and slow, lips teasing, tongues darting out for a small taste, then retreating. They stood, foreheads touching, hands on the other's shoulders, breathing deeply.

"Oh, Ennis…" was the only thing Jack could gasp.

"I came, lil' darlin'… I made it." said Ennis, and the look in Jack's eyes when he did was sweet and sad and so beautiful Ennis almost cried. For once in a long time, Jack's eyes were those of the dreamer back in the mountain.

Jack seemed to realize where they were then, and chastised himself for keeping Ennis out like an unwelcome guest.

"Well friend, I figgered that if you had a lot to talk about, it might be best to give us some privacy, so I borrowed a cabin off a friend of mine… " he said, steering Ennis toward the front door, "but afore we head there, we ought to have some dinner, you done a lot of drivin' now. Come on in."

They went inside, and Ennis was taken aback by how nice Jack's house seemed, compared to his old apartment with Alma, with his rackety trailer.

They moved towards the kitchen, and Ennis saw a teenage boy sitting in the table, a book opened in front of him, a look of disgruntled concentration on his face. He was the spitting image of Jack, a fifteen-year-old Jack.

"Bobby, this here is Ennis del Mar" Jack introduced him, "Ennis, this is my boy Bobby."

"How you doin'?" said Ennis, his usual quiet tone.

"Hi Mr. del Mar, I've heard some 'bout you from my daddy. You his fishin' buddy, right? Sure is nice to meet you." said Bobby, smile big and bright as a flashbulb, just like his daddy, a little knowing in his blue eyes.

"Bobby, where is your momma?" asked Jack, looking around the kitchen.

"Uh, she said she had some meetin', somethin' 'bout developin' businesspeople. Left you a note in the counter."

"Developin' business people… I tell you this ain't no marriage" muttered Jack under his breath. He picked up the note, which read 'Jack, I left some pot roast in the oven for dinner, just warm it up. Hope you have a good weekend with your friend.'

"Well, at least we got some dinner. Fancy pot roast, Ennis?" said Jack, fiddling with the oven.

"Yeah, sure. Juss don't burn down the house messin' with that oven, rodeo." teased Ennis, slipping into one of their nicknames.

Bobby chuckled from his place in the table and said, "You sure know my daddy alright, Mr. del Mar."

"Now don't you go an' disrespect your old man, eh?" shot back Jack, a smile in his voice, "You finished your homework yet, son?" seriousness replacing the smile.

"Well, daddy, I'm almost done, but it's so hard to read… I feel so…"

"Don't you say it Bobby, don't you dare say it. Now, remember what that tutor said, the one we snuck out to see? You ain't slow, or stupid, your eyes just look at letters upside down sometimes. She gave you some good exercises, right?" said Jack, a fatherly tone of concern in his voice. Ennis had never seen that side of him.

"Yeah, daddy."

"Well, you keep on doin' them. It isn't gonna work miracle-like Bobby, but you gotta keep trying. And don't you let anyone tell you you're stupid. You're my son, and if we ain't much for rodeoin', Twists are sharp, alright son?" continued Jack, a hand squeezing Bobby's shoulder.

"Alright, daddy." said Bobby, a loving smile on his face.

While Jack continued to be a fire hazard around the kitchen, Ennis was thinking about what he had witnessed. He never really thought of Jack as a caring father, maybe because he had always seemed so ready to drop everything to have that sweet life with Ennis. Maybe because he'd once said he had never wanted this life, but life didn't care what he wanted. Still, Ennis could see just how much he loved his boy, and how much Bobby looked up to Jack, how he took after him. Perhaps this hadn't been the life Jack wanted, but when it came to his son, he had done right by him.

'Shit, it woulda been just as hard for 'im to leave Bobby… but he woulda done it for me.' he thought sadly. 'I always said I couldn't leave on account o' my girls, but maybe I was usin' them as an excuse for my own goddam fear.'

And with his mind still reeling with these thoughts, he had a nice, if somewhat overdone, pot roast dinner with Jack and Bobby.

After dinner they'd driven to the cabin Jack had borrowed, and at last settled in, they were relaxing by the fire, passing a whisky bottle back and forth.

Jack was feeling calm and warm, basking in the warmth of the fire, even if it was summer, it was always cool at night in the mountain. He was breathing in the scent of evergreen, the scent of Ennis sitting next to him. He was thinking about what Ennis had to say, and about the fact he and Lureen had been talking about divorce for a few weeks now. There were too many things going around and around in his brain, so he took the bottle from Ennis, had a long drink and shut his brain off. 'Just be with Ennis, you sumbitch' he thought 'It ain't no time to speculate on the cost of divorce lawyers.'

Ennis was doing quite a lot of thinking himself, though none of it revolved around the divorce legislation of the State of Texas. He was gathering his strength, and all the words in his being to finally let out what he'd come here to say.

He glanced over at Jack, took a deep breath and sat up.

"Jack… you must be wonderin' what I wanted to talk about" he bagan, with trepidation in his words.

"Well, the thought had crossed my mind, cowboy" shot back Jack with a lazy grin.

"Now, don't go an' tease me right now, Jack. I'm… tryin' to tell you somethin' serious"

"I'm sorry Ennis… what is it?" asked Jack, playfulness gone from his tone, taking one of Ennis' hands in his own.

"Well… I done me some thinkin'. It's prob'ly gonna sound right silly, but I was hearin' this song Jack… about a dream. And about what happened to the person who dreamed it, an' never got that dream…" Ennis' eyes were downcast, his hands shaking almost imperceptibly.

"Jack, last time me an' you said things… no, I know, don't interrupt me now" he said, when Jack was about to say something about the fight. "We said things… and they were the truth. And when I remembered them things, and them years we've known each other… I realized that dreamin' had never been enough. 'Cause you weren't the only dreamer Jack, the only one who wanted that sweet life. I was' just too scared to admit it's what I wanted too."

He stopped then, was quiet for a long moment. Jack's heart was beating fast, his eyes flying between their clasped hands and the lowered face of the man next to him.

Ennis looked up then, looked deep into his eyes, warm chocolate brown meeting endless indigo blue.

"Jack… I'm sorry for the hurtin' I've put you through… I… well, you see, the truth is I…"

A sharp, hard knock interrupted whatever words Ennis was going to say. Both men jumped, and Jack's face drained of color when they heard a hoarse, drunken yell.

"Open up, Jack Twist. I know you in there! Brought by a new friend to the cabin, huh? Open the hell up!"

It was Randall.

Author's note: well, the boys are together at last! And I'm sorry for taking the liberty of shaving Jack's mustache, I just think he looks SO much better without it!.

No words suffice to thank you for the feedback, I swear you can't imagine how happy it has made me to know you guys are liking this story!


	5. Chapter 5

**I dreamed a dream**

Chapter 5

"Open up, Jack Twist. I know you in there! Brought by a new friend to the cabin, huh? Open the hell up!"

Ennis felt his stomach clench, his insides swirl with both jealousy and fear. It had to be the man whose voice he'd heard, Jack's 'friend'. One look at Jack's white face, his trembling hands, confirmed Ennis' suspicion.

Another burst of mad knocking made the door shake.

Jack couldn't think straight. Randall was here. Here. And Ennis was here too. Shit. 'Ok, do something' you stupid sumbitch…'

"Uh…" had that horse grunt come from him? "I best open the door… afore he breaks it down with that knockin'."

Ennis looked at Jack then, saw the fear, the confusion, the love in the swirling azure. Jack looked back and could read nothing in Ennis' inscrutable cinnamon.

He took a deep breath and walked to open the door, acutely aware that Ennis had stood up as well and was right behind him, though offering support or recrimination he didn't know.

The door was slowly opened by Jack's trembling hand.

The figure outside staggered inside and Ennis could at last see the man Jack had replaced him with.

Tall, big shouldered, rough beard, deep brown eyes.

And very drunk.

The silence in the room was pregnant with tension, the apprehension in the air making it near impossible to draw a breath.

"Randall, what're you doin' here?" asked Jack quietly.

"What am I doin' here? I should be the one askin' that, you fuck!" Randall slurred out "Imagine my surprise when I hear you borrowed this cabin to spend the weekend with a 'friend' and I ain't the friend you was coming with!"

Randall moved towards Jack then, fists clenched, but before he could even think of taking a swing, Ennis stepped forward with a growl, a feral look in his eye that would have sent the very bear who threw him once running.

"Don't you dare touch 'im" he snarled.

Jack placed a placating hand on Ennis' shoulder, he didn't want him to get in trouble, didn't want things to come to blows.

"So this here is your friend is he? And don't you two just make a real nice couple? Mayhap he's the name you whisper when you're with me, huh? When you think I can't hear?" Randall said quietly, tauntingly. " I want an explanation Twist, and not even your growling friend is gonna stop me from getting' one" he continued, a dangerous note in his tone now.

"Aw, shit Randall, what explanation do you want? Yes, this here's my friend. My long time friend. But don't try an' go all 'wounded soul' with me, 'cause we both know damn well what we mean to each other." said Jack, slightly annoyed.

"Oh yeah? And what is that, Twist?" ground out Randall, face challenging.

"Fuck all, that's what!" exclaimed Jack, throwing up his hands. "I don't know much 'bout you, Randall, but I'm pretty damn sure you ain't in love with me. I can see the look in your eyes when we're together, it's the same as mine! We're both missin' someone else and the only reason we got together is 'cause that someone wasn't there!" he ended, breathing hard.

Randall seemed ready to yell something back, but when his eyes met Jack's, he knew that it was the truth. Missing someone else… the thought of that someone else was enough to sober him and make him want to drown in whisky at the same time.

"Alright, Twist. But don't you go tellin' nobody what we did, or…"

His words were cut off by a strong punch to his gut that left him gasping in pain.

"Is that a threat you're makin', huh?" Ennis' deadly voice sent shivers down Randall's spine "'Cause if it is I can make you hurt so bad you won't know your name boy. I'll ask you again, was that you tryin' to threaten my man?"

"Uh… no, no. I was… I was just about to leave." Randall choked out.

"Well good. Don't see nobody stoppin' you" Ennis released Randall and pushed him towards the door.

With a final look at Jack, Randall left.

Jack let out a long breath, seemed he'd been holding since the moment Randall knocked on the door. He looked at Ennis, but his back was to him, shoulders hunched, hands resting on the wall.

'That coulda gone a lot worse' Jack thought to himself. 'And I don't know if I want to kiss Ennis outta oxygen for saying I'm his man, or punch him for drivin' away the meager comfort I had left here'

Ennis was trying to sort through the million of emotions coursing through him, trying to find some semblance of calm in the roughness of the wood against his palms.

Jack had been with another man. He'd just met the other man, just punched him and sent him on his way before he lost complete control and killed him for daring to touch Jack's body. He wanted to kill Jack too, for daring to touch another man.

But then, words echoed in his head. 'We got together 'cause that someone wasn't there'. That sentence had been like a knife straight to Ennis' heart.

Could he blame Jack, then?

Hadn't he learnt how much Jack hurt, back when they fought about Mexico?

He noticed that he was shaking. He didn't know if it was anger or grief.

A warm hand on his arm startled him out of the whirlwind of his emotions.

He turned quickly, as if scorched, shaking Jack's hand off his arm.

"Get fuck off me" he muttered, not meeting Jack's eyes.

Jack's sigh sounded too loud after the unnatural silence.

At long last Ennis looked up, met Jack's eyes. Neither showed anything other than heavy expectation.

"So that was your 'friend', huh Jack?" said Ennis. The second the words left his mouth he knew it had been the wrong thing to say, because eyes no longer held expectation, they flashed bitter anger.

"Yes, Ennis. That was my friend. You wanna go through this again? Fine. Fine." Jack spat out angrily.

"I've told you plenty of times how goddam bad it gets. And you know what, Ennis? I ain't afraid no more to admit what I am. I ain't afraid to admit that you're the person I want most in this goddam world, that when I'm with you is the only time I feel right. If that makes me queer then hell yes, I am queer. There, I said it."

Ennis flinched as if struck.

"I know you like to pretend that wanting to sleep with another man is some sorta temporary insanity, Ennis, but let me tell you, almos' twenty years is a long time for a temporary insanity. No matter how much you try an' deny it, boy, it's who you are." Jack said, eyes challenging. He turned around.

"You heard Ennis. Randall means nothing to me, an' I don't mean nothing to him. But, shit, boy, you just went ahead and scared off the only comfort I had left and when this weekend is over, you'll leave too. And where does that leave me? Here, alone. Alone." Jack finished, voice quiet. Defeated.

"Not alone." Ennis murmured. All of Jack's words flashing in his brain, all of Jack's pain, his own pain making him quiver. "Not alone" he said again, louder.

Jack turned around then, eyes a raw mixture of burning sorrow and heartrending hope.

"What… what do you mean, Ennis?" he whispered.

"That's what I came here to say Jack. I… I want that sweet life you talked about, them years ago. If… if you still want it." said Ennis, words coming out slow and hesitant.

It took Jack less than a second to reach Ennis, to bury himself in his arms, sobbing.

"It's alright, lil' darlin'… it's alright."

Author's note: whew, well, there was Randall. The boys have to tie some loose ends, too… after all Ennis is still being good ol' denying Ennis and where are they going to go live, anyway?

Thank you soooo much for the feedback. It makes writing this such a pleasure, to know you guys are enjoying it and want to read more.


	6. Randall's story

"_We're both missin' someone else and the only reason we got together is 'cause that someone wasn't there"_

The words continued to echo in Randall's head, until all the sounds around faded, the gravel beneath his feet, the stirring of leaves by the passing wind, the tiny movements made by night-time creatures… everything faded. Everything but the words, and the pain. He was used to that kind of pain, but what always caught him out were the memories that came with the pain.

He had spent his whole damn life denying who he was and what he really wanted. After all, he was Randall Malone, pride and joy of his father, star quarterback, strong and handsome, the world ready for his taking. Girls would almost throw themselves at him, as much as girls could back in '63.

Yes, he was the golden boy. If only they had known that the moments the golden boy enjoyed most was not going out with some girl or another, being paraded around like a prize by his parents… no, what he liked best was being in the locker room with his teammates after a game… the feeling of camaraderie, of that exhilaration after winning a game… and he couldn't quite explain why his eyes strayed to the bodies of his friends, almost like… but no, he couldn't feel attraction. It just couldn't be.

But it was. And it was in that year when he met another young man like him, whose face would come to haunt his dreams. They had been thrown together by random circumstance, Randall needed a tutor for the mathematics course he was in because the teacher's explanations were just not doing it for him, and he needed to keep his grades up to stay in the football team.

They seemed complete opposites, but they connected beyond anything Randall had ever experienced. And they connected in more ways than one… _  
_

It was Randall who ended it. He wasn't queer, it was a mistake, it could not happen. So he ended it, he graduated, he married with LeSawn who was talkative enough not to notice who her husband really was, and he built a straight, respectable life. He tore his heart apart while doing it, of course, but what was his heart compared to a straight, respectable life?

And then he met Jack Twist. He didn't know what possessed him to actually do it, to ask him to go with him to the cabin, but he hadn't mistaken what he had seen in the man's eyes. He was just like him.

They used each other to quench their longing and their loneliness, to quench the insatiable memories of others, long gone, far away. After all, Jack Twist was one fucking beautiful man to look at, and Randall was no ugly thing himself. It had been convenient.

_Wanted to believe in all the words that I was speaking  
As we moved together in the dark  
_

They tried to pretend they weren't thinking of someone else, but the truth was laid bare in their eyes… because they weren't looking at each other, they were looking at someone else, at the ghostly presence of that someone else.

_  
Tiny vessels oozed into your neck  
And formed the bruises  
That you said you didn't want to fade  
But they did and so did I that day_

He remembered the last time he had seen… him. They had one last time, one last desperate kiss… and then he had pushed him off, tackled him, bruised him. 'I wanted him to hate me, to yell at me' Randall remembered despondently 'so leaving him would have been easier. But he just looked at me. Quiet, bruised and heartbroken. And I just turned and left.'

A sob escaped his lips.

He didn't know why he had come to yell at Jack, why he had gotten drunk and acted like a spurned lover. Jack was right… they meant fuck all to each other. And every time they had been together, he hadn't been able to shake off the feeling of dirtiness, of cheating. He was of course, cheating on LeShawn, but it wasn't her he had felt he'd betrayed. It was him. Always him.__

So one last touch and then you'll go  
And we'll pretend that it meant something so much more  
But it was vile, and it was cheap  
And you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me  
You are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me

He stopped walking then. Silent tears were clouding his vision. He looked up at the night sky, the bright stars somehow mocking his pain, somehow trying to assuage it.

"Andrew…" a sigh, a plea, a fractured whisper, came from the fractured man.

Author's note: Ok, that was a COMPLETE artistic license taken by me right there, but since we know so little of Randall, I hope nobody is offended I went of a tangent and decided to make a past for the quiet cabin friend. The lyrics I used where from the song 'Tiny Vessels' by Death Cab for Cutie, and this time there was no radio, it was just because it gave me a feeling of what Jack and Randall were to each other, I do not own the song just borrowed it and took it out of context ;)


	7. Chapter 6

**I dreamed a dream**

Chapter 6

"It's alright, lil' darlin'… it's alright."

Ennis was holding Jack softly, caressing his hair as if he was a startled horse. Jack was embracing Ennis like a life line, like nothing in the world mattered but the man in front of him.

They didn't know how much time passed before the soft embrace became urgent, laced with desire. Ennis was kissing Jack with intensity to rival that of their meeting after four years, and Jack was giving back as good as he got.

Hands roaming everywhere, breaths heavy, moaning with anticipation.

"I need you cowboy… need you bad" Jack gasped out.

And as if it was the cue he was waiting for, Ennis pushed Jack to the bed, while they both took off their clothes, hands clumsy with yearning.

Their coupling was as electric as ever, as charged. Ennis was a mixture of gentleness and possessiveness, as if he was trying to claim Jack for his own once again. Jack was giving in, accepting the possession, but none too submissively.

They finished, panting, spent, a tangle of limbs on top of the rumpled bed.

"Rodeo?" said Ennis quietly after a while, holding Jack in his arms, much like Jack had done years ago in the Siesta Motel.

"Hmm?"

"I wanna say somethin'… I can't say I'm ever gonna be too happy 'bout you and Mexico, you and Randall… but I understand. I understand why you done it, and I ain't sore about it no more."

Jack turned his head to look up at Ennis, but didn't speak, he sensed he wasn't quite done yet.

"But I want you to know something, Jack fuckin' Twist. If we are gonna have this sweet life, then I want you to know well and good you are my man, mine alone. No fuckin' around, 'cause I ain't one for sharing. You got that, rodeo?" Ennis continued, seriousness laced with some playfulness.

"Cowboy… if you are with me, there is no man and definitely no woman on this here planet who could make me look their way." answered Jack, looking into Ennis' eyes, letting all his love for him show on his own blue orbs.

They shared a kiss, a slow, loving kiss as if to seal their promise.

"Well, cowboy, I suggest we get us some sleep. We got a big day tomorro'" said Jack, untangling the covers.

"Tomorro?" asked Ennis, puzzled, "I thought you said we had this place for the weekend"

"Well, I did… but if you and me are gonna be livin' at last, I got me a divorce to settle an' a few things to sort out afore we can get started" answered Jack, a big smile on his face, "and I wanna get started as soon as possible."

Ennis chuckled.

"You are damn right, rodeo. The sooner the better. I can't wait either." Ennis admitted.

They settled down to sleep then, and before slumber overtook them they were invaded by a strange feeling, something they hadn't felt since Brokeback… a sense of possibility, a sense of hope.

Jack was fidgeting like a little boy, tucking in his shirt, patting down his hair. Ennis couldn't help but chuckle at seeing him so flustered.

They were sitting in Jack's truck, parked outside his house. Jack had called Lureen from a gas station that morning, arranging to meet her to have 'a talk'.

"Why are your panties in a twist, rodeo? It ain't like you've never talked to Lureen afore" said Ennis, not hiding the amusement in his voice.

"Well, no Ennis, but it is the first time I talk to her about the fact that I'm leaving her for another man" shot back Jack with a glare.

"Relax, rodeo. It'll be fine… the sooner it's over, the better. So git a move on, I'll be waitin' here for you."

Ennis looked outside the windows, quickly checking there was nobody else in sight. He took Jack's face in his hands and kissed him until they were both gasping for breath. His russet eyes met Jack's cerulean orbs with a gaze that reflected all the love, passion and caring between them.

"It will be fine, lil' darlin'" whispered Ennis.

With a deep breath and a last grasp of Ennis' hand, Jack opened the truck's door and walked up to the house. He turned to look at Ennis one last time before going inside.

"Lureen?" called out Jack. His mind was racing. 'Calm down, breathe deep… it'll will be alrigh'… if she don't pull out the shotgun and kill your stupid ass, Jack fuckin' Twist… no, think positive thoughts.'

He made his way to the living room where Lureen was waiting, sipping on some lemonade.

"Hmm… from the look on your face, I guess I should get me something a little stronger to drink." said Lureen dryly, by way of greeting.

Jack grimaced. He sat down next to her, and gathered his courage.

"Lureen… we've been talkin' 'bout a divorce for a while now. Our marriage… it really hasn't been one for a long time." he paused. Had to say it all, the whole truth. Lureen deserved that much.

"I'm gonna tell you the truth, Lureen. You may hate me by the time I'm done, and I don't think I deserve less." he looked up into Lureen's expectant eyes. She motioned for him to continue with a nod of her head.

" You see… I… since afore I met you, I was in love with someone else. And I have been, all these years." Jack continued.

"Well, I figured out you were cheating on me some time ago, Jack. But that is a common enough thing… what are you not saying?" asked Lureen, shooting him a scrutinizing look.

"The person I love… he's a man. He's my fishin' buddy, Ennis. I… I'm gay, Lureen." Jack said quietly. He braced himself for the screams of damnation.

Utter silence. Jack looked up, puzzled.

"Lureen?"

Lureen seemed to be absorbing the information, staring at her glass of lemonade as if it was the only thing in this world. At last, she looked up, her expression collected and her gaze calm.

"Well Jack… I… I can't say that you being queer is the best news I've ever gotten. But… I don't know if this makes sense… I sorta… knew it. Sensed it, somehow." she took a deep breath. "In the end Jack, we haven't been a real marriage in a while. We were going to get a divorce anyhow… and you being gay is just another reason." she finished.

Jack couldn't believe it. Lureen was… alright with it? She wasn't ready to kill him?

Well, she was a business woman to the bone marrow. And a damn good businesswoman, too.

"Lureen, I… I know it may sound stupid. But, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for hurting you 'cause of my own fears. You didn't deserve that…"

"No, I didn't. But, we had fun, Jack. And whatever happened, whatever hurts you caused me… you are a good man. You always were kind to me, and you done right by Bobby." she said earnestly.

"Truth is, I'm ready for a new life. My daddy dead, I own the business… I ain't some helpless woman, Jack, and I'll be alright. That said, I really do need something stronger to drink now." she finished, and stood up to get two shot glasses from a glass cabinet nearby, pouring whisky carefully into each glass.

Jack was completely astounded. He was expecting anything but this cool, rational acceptance. Taking the shot of whisky Lureen offered him, he shook his head in amazement.

"Lureen, I think you are the strongest woman I've ever met."

Ennis was fidgeting worse than Jack. 'Where the hell are you, rodeo?'

He couldn't take it anymore. Was Lureen killing Jack? The house was too silent. Mayhap she was poisoning him? 'Oh, stop it, Ennis. Juss' walk up to the house… knock… mebbe save Jack from a painful death…'

With these grim thoughts running through his mind, Ennis got out of the truck and knocked on the front door.

A few minutes later, the door opened to reveal none other than Lureen Newsome. Shit.

"Uh… good evenin' m'am. I'm…" stuttered Ennis

\"My husband's 'fishing buddy'?" she asked, sarcasm lacing her voice, "I should say ex-husband. Come on in, Mr. del Mar"

Lureen led a very bewildered Ennis to the living room. Jack was sitting there, looking through several papers that were laid out in front of him in the coffee table.

He looked up as Ennis came in.

"Ennis! Uh… I see that you've met Lureen…"

"Don't you have an amazing gift for pointing out the obvious Jack." Lureen said "If you don't mind, Mr. del Mar, Jack and I still have some things to settle about the divorce. Oh, but I'm being a terrible hostess, can I get you something to drink?" continued Lureen, turning to Ennis.

"No, ma'm, I'm juss' fine. I'll wait while you an' Jack finish settlin' yer papers."

Ennis was resisting the urge to pinch himself. He had to be in some sort of bizarre dream… how was it possible that Jack's wife had offered him something to drink as if nothing was the matter? And Jack and she were just talking like old friends, nobody was mentioning anything about them being cursed with eternal damnation… 'These Texans sure are particular people' was the only thing he could conclude. He shook himself from his musings and focused his attention on the conversation Jack and Lureen were having.

"So, what are we going to do about Bobby?" asked Lureen.

"Well, Ennis and I will probably head to my daddy's ranch right now, help him fix it up at last… but I ain't sure I want to stay in Lightning Flats for good…" Jack trailed off.

"Well, Jack you have been saving some money over the years… and you will get a good sum with the divorce settlement. Maybe that will be enough for a down payment for a ranch of your own." Lureen pointed out.

"That is true. I think Bobby is old enough to decide what he wants… but… if Ennis and I do get settled somewhere nice, whether it's Lightning Flats or another ranch… I would love for him to come with us." Jack looked at Ennis then, and Ennis nodded his approval almost imperceptibly. " I know it's impossible, but…"

"I agree, Jack" Lureen interrupted his ramblings.

"What?" asked Jack and Ennis at the same time.

"Well, of course he can't go with you while you two are still figuring out where to live, but Bobby is closest to you, and I'm sure that once you've settled in he will want to live with you. Of course, he'd have to stay with me for long visits, vacations and such… but I think it's what he'll want."

Jack was, for perhaps one of the first times in his life, speechless.

Without further thought, he gave Lureen a hug.

"Thank you." he whispered.

Ennis smiled. Jack's eyes when he heard Lureen would let Bobby be with them had made his heart skip a beat. 'Life sure is lookin' sweet, rodeo' he thought gladly.

They heard the front door open and close. Bobby walked into the living room.

"Mom? Daddy? What's going on?"

Author's note: well, Lureen knows at last. As for L.D. being dead, I re-read the short story to write this chapter, and in it the stud duck does indeed die before Jack's and Ennis' last meeting. I decided to go with that, sorry if there are any L.D fans out there. (there aren't, right? 'cause any man who is mean to my rodeo is black-listed ;)


	8. Chapter 7

**I dreamed a dream**

Chapter 7

"Mom? Daddy? What's going on?" asked Bobby, looking rather bewildered at the scene in front of him.

He sensed something strange was happening. His mom and dad were sitting next to each other in the couch, but Jack looked like a deer caught in the headlights and Lureen was drinking the whisky in her glass rather like it was water. And his daddy's friend looked more uncomfortable and generally flabbergasted than he'd ever seen anyone look in his life.

'Yep, somethin's up, alright' Bobby thought to himself.

Ennis looked over to Jack and Lureen and then to Bobby, with blue eyes full of anxious expectation. He felt that this was a discussion he had no real part in, Bobby needed to hear everything from his parents and had no need of a strange man looking on while life as he knew it broke down. He cleared his throat and stood up.

"I, uh, I'm gonna go fer a smoke outside." he said, barely audible. He looked at Jack, gave him a small smile which Jack gratefully returned, more with his eyes than anything else.

Then he walked hastily towards the entrance, giving Bobby a nod when he passed him.

"Well?" Bobby asked, raising his eyebrows.

Jack took a deep, calming breath. He owed Bobby a straight, full answer.

"Son…you ain't a little boy no more, you are a very intelligent teenager, and I reckon you have felt this coming." Jack started, his voice steady but quiet. "Yer mom and me are gettin' a divorce" he continued, motioning to himself and Lureen with his hand.

"It is the best decision for all of us, Bobby. Your dad and I aren't making each other happy anymore, we haven't for a while now… and to stay together would do us more harm than good" added Lureen.

Bobby sat down on the chair Ennis had just vacated. He was quiet for a while, looking at his hands which were resting on his knees, absorbing the information.

Lureen and Jack looked at each other nervously, but didn't say anything.

Bobby looked up, no anger or surprise on his face, rather… relief.

"Daddy… Mom… I know it's the best decision. It ain't an easy thing to realize your own mom and dad don't go well together… but I'll be honest… I was hoping you'd do this for a while now." he said, hesitantly putting all he had felt for so long now into words. "You can't imagine how it made me want to scream sometimes, the silence between you. How sad it made me to see my parents so unhappy… and knowing I couldn't make it better, no matter how hard I tried." Bobby continued, his voice breaking.

"Son…" Jack whispered, tears in his eyes "Believe me… none of this was your fault. Never, for one second, think that. What happened between yer mom and me was my doin'…"

"Ours" interrupted Lureen "Our doing, Jack. It takes two to make a marriage… and two to break it"

Jack thanked Lureen with his eyes. She gave a soft smile in return.

Jack stood up and went over to kneel in front of Bobby.

"Bobby… I wish you didn't have to go through this. You don' deserve this pain… but son, trust me, even if this life I got wasn't exactly what I expected… I wouldn' change it. Because it got me you. You are my son, Bobby, and I love you." Jack said, looking deep into his boy's eyes.

Jack knew, at that moment, that it was the truth. How often had he wished for time to go back, back to when he had just met Ennis so he could convince him to stay with him. Back to when he was nineteen, his life still full of dreams and with no responsibilities. But even if this damn life he got hadn't been what he wanted then… it had given him Bobby. Even with all the pain, all the heartbreak, all those years of endless yearning for Ennis and of slowly giving in to bitterness, he didn't wish for time to go back anymore, because his difficult life had given him a son he loved. And that made up for all the hardships.

"Oh, daddy… I know… I love you too" said Bobby, forgetting for that instant that he was supposed to be a surly teenager and throwing himself into his father's arms like a little boy.

Jack knew that he had to say everything then, the whole truth about who he was and who he loved, because it would never get any easier and time would make it more awkward. He drew apart slightly from Bobby and looked into his eyes once more.

"There's one more thing I gotta say, Bobby." Jack began, voice serious. "You… you met my fishin' buddy Ennis. You know I told you I met him a very long time ago, when I was but nineteen…"

"Yes, daddy, I remember." answered Bobby, a slight question in his voice.

"Well, son… you see… Ennis… he ain't just my fishin' buddy. I… ever since we met…" he took a deep breath, a last breath before the plunge. "I loved him. I can't rightly explain why, I don't know meself… but there is nobody in this world who makes me feel as happy as Ennis… nobody that I feel as complete with."

Jack looked down then, not able to meet Bobby's gaze just yet.

"I don't know what you'll think of me now…" he whispered.

A hand drew his chin up. Jack saw Bobby's eyes then, not full of hate or condemnation… but understanding and love.

"Oh, daddy… I guessed." he said quietly. "I can't read too good, but I ain't stupid. I've seen you all these years, going to those fishing trips. And daddy, if Ennis is what will make you be happy at last… then there's nothing wrong with you loving him. No matter what… you are still my daddy. Ok?" he asked

Jack could barely breathe. So much weight had been taken away from him… he felt more free and at peace than he had for almost twenty years.

"Ok, son… ah, my son."

He drew Bobby into his arms again then, holding his boy with all the love in his heart.

After a long embrace, father and son drew apart, sniffing and rubbing their eyes. Bobby looked at Lureen then and went to give her a small hug.

"I love you, mom." he whispered.

Lureen had watched the entire exchange quietly, the slight shaking of her now empty glass the only sign of emotion. But when she held her son, her boy who looked so much like his father, who was so much like him… she couldn't stop tears from falling down her face.

"I know, Bobby. I love you, too." she answered softly.

She drew a deep breath, and collected herself. 'Let's get everything settled, then' she told herself.

"Well, Bobby, there's still a few things that need to be done" Lureen said, walking back to the couch and taking the papers in her hands. "but your dad and I want you to decide who you want to live with… you are old enough to make this decision for yourself, and we'll respect whatever you decide."

Jack crossed his fingers behind his back, praying that Bobby would choose to live with him. 'Don't be selfish, you fool… he will choose what he wants, and what he feels is best for him, and if it ain't you then you better not look disappointed and support him… but, please… let him choose me.'

Bobby sat down again. He knew what he wanted. He hoped nobody would take it the wrong way, he would hate to hurt one of his parents… 'But they said it was up to me… so here goes'.

"Well…" he started. "Um… I want you to know that what I decide doesn't mean I love one of you more than the other… but I would be happier if… if…if I lived with my daddy." he finished, looking expectantly to Jack and Lureen.

Jack let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding and did an inner happy dance.

Lureen just nodded resignedly, her earlier assessment of Bobby's wished confirmed.

"It's alright Bobby. I know you'll be very happy living with your father. You take after him so much…" said Lureen. "But before you can move with him, he has to settle several things, the most important one being where exactly he plans to live"

"Yes, mom, I know. I'll stay with you for as long as my daddy needs to settle down." Bobby said, nodding.

He looked at his dad then, who was looking at him.

Both were flashing dimples, smiling so big they could light up Brokeback on the darkest night, blue eyes twinkling with unreserved joy.

The resemblance was almost too perfect. Father and son.

Ennis had finished his smoke for a long time now, and was now occupied in pacing back and forth in Jack's porch like a caged bear.

"Jeez, cowboy, stop before you make a hole in the damn floor." the teasing voice jolted him sharply out of his nervous anxiety. He looked around and saw Jack, leaning on the door, smiling so brightly he looked years younger.

"Shit, Jack, you scared me. So what happened?" he asked, hoping Jack's smile was indeed an indication for a good outcome.

The victorious whoop and strong embrace wasn't exactly the answer he had expected, but before he could say anything, Jack told him exactly why he was so happy.

"Bobby wants to live with us Ennis! And I told him everything… and he didn't care Ennis, he said he loved me an' that I was his daddy no matter what!" Jack laughed then, laughed with glee and relief and without a care in the world.

Ennis, holding Jack, hearing that laughter couldn't help himself, and before long he was laughing as well, laughing with his man, because he was so happy for his man.

Inside, Bobby looked on from the window. It had been the right choice. And nothing that made his daddy that happy could ever be wrong, no matter what the holly-rollers said.

He smiled.

Author's note: whew, I hope that came out alright! I know it was a short scene, but more is coming… I just thought this was pretty intense and I wanted to explore what everyone was feeling rather than just going too quickly. Thank you so much for your support, all those who have read and reviewed… you have no idea how much it means to me!


	9. Chapter 8

**I dreamed a dream**

Chapter 8

"Alright, cowboy… have a safe drive. Call me the minute you get to Riverton, y'hear?" Jack asked, resignation and a tinge of anxiety clouding his voice.

"Yes, mommy." answered Ennis, in a mocking tone, attempting half-heartedly to make the parting easier. It didn't work. He pulled Jack into a hug.

The look in Jack's face, that sad-puppy-eyed look, made Ennis' heart clench. They'd said goodbye more times than he cared to remember, why was this one so difficult?

'Cause hopefully, it's the last goodbye…' Ennis answered himself. With a sigh, he gathered himself together and stepped back from the embrace, a hand still in Jack's shoulder.

"Don' you worry none, rodeo… I'll be fine. I'll drive careful, and I'll call you when I get there, ok?" Ennis told Jack, "and the sooner I get gone, the sooner I'll be back." he added, a smile in his voice.

Jack chuckled and finally looked up.

"Well then, what're you waitin' for, you slow-poke? Go on, git!" Jack exclaimed while pushing him towards the truck.

Ennis just shook his head, muttered something about fool, crazy rodeos and settled into the driver's seat. He looked at Jack one last time, pouring all the love he couldn't put into words into his eyes. The emotion he saw reflected back at him in the azure orbs let him know he'd been understood.

Jack looked after him until the truck was out of sight. Ennis had borrowed the truck from his foreman, who had ended up liking the quiet, hard-working cowboy and didn't mind doing something for him even if he had just quit.

Ennis had thought it would be a good idea to go and settle things in Riverton while Jack and Lureen went through the final divorce process, he had to tell his girls and Alma he was moving and figure out what to do with his very few possessions. Jack had agreed, it seemed the best time to do it, and he felt a strange sort of correspondence that his life with Lureen should end as it had begun, missing Ennis.

0

0

0

"Twist divorce granted by the State of Texas, on the 9th of September, 1983."

Almost involuntarily, Jack and Lureen looked at each other, just when the sentence had been called out by the judge. This was it, then. It was over.

Jack was flooded by a series of strange and contradictory feelings. Peace and relief, but also a sadness unlooked for, a pain at the separation he had not foreseen. 'You fool… you lived with her almost twenty years… you don't live with someone that long and not have them grow on you…'

A warm hand on his shoulder startled him out of his musings. He looked up to meet Lureen's eyes again. He gave her a small smile, which she returned. In her eyes he saw reflected the same things he was feeling… the same contradictions.

Lureen was usually quite good at keeping her emotions in check. But looking at Jack's blue eyes, she found she couldn't ignore all the things she was feeling. She acted sure and businesslike, like this wasn't affecting her at all… while the truth was it affected her more than she cared to realize. Because… she really had loved Jack. She'd loved his bright, beautiful smile that lighted up his whole face and made her feel like the only person in this world. She'd loved his effortless charm, his quick and sharp humor, that fire she felt in him that she could immediately relate to. But most of all she had loved, she still loved, his eyes… those eyes,a blue so deep she could drown in it. Eyes so full of hope, full of romance, full of a silent promise to make life extraordinary. She remembered the night she had met him, danced with him… the way the song they were playing seemed to reflect what his eyes said… 'No one's gonna love you like me'…

Of course, she realized now with painful irony, that all those eyes expressed was meant, always, for somebody else. The hope, the love and the promise… all for someone else. Always for him… Ennis.

It was time. She had to let him go, precisely because she loved him. It had cost her so many years, so many hours of losing herself in work, but she was strong enough now to let Jack go, so he could be happy at last. So his eyes would be full of dreams once more. She fought back a sob. 'Let be, let be' she told herself.

She steeled herself and uttered the hardest words she had ever said.

"Well… it's done" said Lureen.

"It is." said Jack, nodding. "It sure is. So… what do we do now?" he asked, his question charged with a greater query.

"Now… we go back to the house, we finish packing your things, and I'll fix us something to eat." answered Lureen, "Then… well, I'm sure we'll both be alright." she whispered, more to herself than to Jack.

Jack nodded again, put his arms around Lureen's shoulders and led her out of the courtroom.

0

0

0

"So you're moving where, daddy?" asked Junior.

"Well, right now, I'm gonna head back down to Texas to meet up with Jack again, and then we'll probly head to Lighting Flat for the winter. Afterwards…well, I ain't sure myself, lil' darlin'." Ennis answered, running a hand through his hair.

He had asked Alma to let him take the girls out for the day, had something important to tell them. They'd had lunch at the diner, went to the ice-cream parlor for a scoop afterwards and were now back in his trailer, where he'd told them he was leaving Riverton.

"And why are you goin' with you're friend Jack, daddy?" asked Jenny, confusion lacing her voice.

There it was. A question asked in all innocence, but an answer that would change everything. Ennis took a very deep breath. Jack had done it already, come clean with Lureen and Bobby… and things ended up alright. 'But for all his smiles and easy ways… Jack is a lot braver and stronger than me' he told himself, admiration for his rodeo swelling in him.

He had to tell them. For Jack, for himself… because they were his daughters and he owed them the truth.

"Daddy?" asked Junior, concerned at his prolonged silence. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes, darlin'." well, it was now or never. "You see… I'm going with my friend Jack… 'cause… 'cause I care about him something fierce. We met a long time ago, the summer afore I married your mom. And… well, I never stopped caring for him. Caring for him as more than a friend" Ennis said quietly.

Junior was transported back to when she was nine years old, her parents just divorced. She remembered being in her dad's truck with her sister, so happy because she hadn't spent time with him in so long. She remembered another truck coming, honking. She'd looked out the back window to see who it was coming to the lonesome place and saw a black-haired man, saw him and her daddy in a strong embrace. Then his daddy had introduced the man, and Junior had been struck by his good looks, the big smile, the blue eyes… but most of all she'd been struck by the involuntary joy in her daddy's voice when he introduced him, the way his eyes sparkled like a teenager in love.

She also remembered that the man had left, quick as he'd come… and his daddy had looked sadder and more torn than she had ever seen him. She also realized that it was the last time she had seen him really smile, not even when he had gone out with Cassie had he smiled.

"I know this ain't easy to take… and… if you don't want to see me again, well, I'll understand, but know that I love you… I always will." Ennis' voice, barely above a whisper and bracing for rejection, shook Junior out of her memories.

"Daddy… Jack makes you happy, doesn't he? He makes you smile?" she asked.

Ennis was slightly taken aback by Junior's question. It made him realize yet one more thing about Jack.

"Yes, darlin'… there ain't nobody that makes me happier." he answered, meeting Junior's inquisitive eyes.

"I supposed so… I remember when we met him, after the divorce. It was the last time I saw you smile like you meant it." Junior said.

"So you love Jack?" Jenny's voice startled both Ennis and Junior.

Ennis looked at her. She had always been like that, loud and straight to the point.

"Uh… yes, Jenny. I do" he answered, words barely audible, looking down, not wanting to face the rejection just yet.

Two enveloping hugs weren't what he expected. He was looked down with amazement and saw that both his girls were hugging him like they always did, like he was their daddy and not some disease. The gratefulness he felt at that moment almost drove him to his knees.

Of course, telling Alma he was moving with Jack was not received with a hug. When he took the girls back to her house, he dropped the news standing on the porch, figuring it was a good idea to stay where the escape route was quickest in case she pulled out the rifle on him.

While she didn't pull out a rifle, it was like she was trying to shoot him with the condemnation in her bitter voice, with the coldness in her eyes.

Ennis sighed with relief, it was over at last. He couldn't get to a public phone fast enough, the need to hear Jack's voice stronger than anything.

"Hello?" the voice he loved most in the world answered.

"Rodeo… it's me" Ennis said quietly.

"Ennis? Is everything alright? You sound strange"

"I just told my girls, Jack… told them everything."

A sharp intake of breath followed his statement.

"Whoa, cowboy… and… how did it go?" Jack asked, voice tinged with anxiety.

"It was alright, Jack… they… they hugged me." Ennis fought back tears of relief, of happiness.

"Oh, Ennis… I'm so happy for you cowboy." Jack's voice, filled with love and happiness for him, was all that Ennis needed to make him forget the sting of Alma's words.

His rodeo loved him, and his little girls loved him. That was all he needed in this world.

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"Well, time to hit the road, cowboy. We got some long hours to drive to Lightning Flat" said Jack, putting on his seatbelt.

"Let's get goin', rodeo." Ennis answered, looking back at Jack with a smile.

Ennis had sold his beat up pick-up and the few things he owned, bought himself a bus ticket to Childress and put what was left in his pocket. Jack had picked him up at the bus terminal, and they'd stayed the night at his house, having dinner with Lureen and Bobby. Ennis still couldn't help the tinge of guilt he felt, sitting there in front of Lureen and eating her food, but it had been a strangely comfortable dinner, with no more lies and deceptions between them.

Bobby had been sad to see his daddy go, but excited at the prospect that come spring, he might be able to go live with him permanently. Lureen and Jack had said goodbye with no real bitterness between them, just Jack's useless and unquenchable wish not to have hurt Lureen, Lureen's strength keeping her from shedding a tear.

Jack and Ennis had woken up at the crack of dawn, had a cup of coffee and some toast, and put the bags full of what they would need in the back of the truck.

Then, they set out for the highway, stretching wide and almost eternal in front of them.

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Two days later, they arrived to Jack's parents ranch in Lightning Flat. The rolling wind, howling across the plain, and the derelict white house gave Ennis a strange shock. It was hard to believe that the same bright-eyed, charming rodeo he had met all those years ago had come from this sad, deadened place. It was another of those strange and beautiful traits in Jack's character, that he had kept his hopeful and dreaming ways even when everything around him had pushed him to grow up dry and bitter.

They walked up to the front door, which was opened by Jack's mom before they knocked.

"My boy…" she whispered happily, giving Jack a hug.

"Mom." he said into her hair, his voice tender.

"And who is this?" she asked, gesturing towards Ennis.

"This is Ennis del Mar, my long time friend." Jack answered.

"Ma'm" said Ennis, taking off his hat.

"Good to meet you at last, Ennis." Jack's mother answered. "Well, come in, don't stand out here in the wind."

They stepped inside, Ennis taking in the whole house at a glance, eyes stopping in the rather burly figure of a gray-haired man sitting at the table.

"Dad, how're you? This here is my friend, Ennis del Mar." Jack said quickly, a discomfort in his voice Ennis had never heard before.

"Ennis, this is my father, John Twist."

"Pleased to meet you, sir." said Ennis, barely able to get out the words with those icy orbs fixed on him. John Twist was like the house, like the mourning wind undulating through the plain… unwelcoming, aloof, embittered and hunkered down with the passing of the years.

An awkward silence followed, and Ennis was aware of being examined, measured, aware of Jack tense as a stretched wire next to him.

"So this is the famous Ennis del Mar, huh?" the gravelly, frosty voice hung in the air.

Author's note: well, the boys are out of the frying pan and into the fire… I used the name they gave Ennis' younger daughter on the film, hope nobody minds, and I also used a very small direct quote from the short story, wonder if you can catch it. Anyway, hope you like this chapter, please comment, let me know what you think, feedback makes me sooooo happy!


	10. Chapter 9

**I dreamed a dream**

Chapter 9

"So this is the famous Ennis del Mar, huh?" the gravelly, frosty voice hung in the air.

"Yes, sir. This is Ennis del Mar." confirmed Jack, discomfort overtaken by a desire to defend Ennis from his father's cold jibes.

"Well, boy, don' expect me to throw him a welcoming party." John answered, baiting Jack once more, "How long you intend to stay, huh?"

"We… we thought that we could stay through the winter, lick the ranch into shape… and come early spring we'll go to a place of our own." Jack laid out their plans feeling like a kid being tested by a particularly mean-spirited teacher.

"Hmm… well, we'll see what you can do, though I ain't ever seen you keep a promise well, boy." he turned to Ennis "And how 'bout you? You a decent worker, huh?"

"I always work hard, sir. Never had no complaints." answered Ennis, a quiet strength in his words that impressed John Twist. Here was a tough one, no mistake.

"And ain't you married?" he asked, trying to rattle the unruffled cowboy.

"No sir, got a divorce a while back." Ennis said, not a hint of discomfort in his voice.

"And I suppose you finally split from you wife, boy?" John directed the question at Jack, knowing that he never failed to flinch at his coarse remarks.

"Yes, dad, I did. And it went quite well." Jack answered without hesitation, feeling stronger now that Ennis had withstood his father's questions.

John Twist was rather taken aback. There was something different about Jack… and he was sure he didn't like it.

The awkward cross-examination was interrupted by the soft voice of Jack's mother.

"Why don't you boys go upstairs and put your things in Jack's room, and I'll put dinner on the table?" she said, putting her hand on Jack's arm. "And we'll have some cherry cake for dessert."

"Yes, momma. Thank you." answered Jack, squeezing her hand.

They went outside to the truck, took out their bags and climbed the rickety stairs to Jack's room.

Once inside, Ennis put the bags down and looked around, seeing the room Jack had as a little boy. The small bed, the wooden figure of a cowboy riding a horse, the faded picture of a movie star… the window looking out to the desolate landscape. He went towards it, opened it and put the little wooden board to keep it open. He was suddenly transported to the past, he imagined he could see Jack as the little boy he was, lush black hair, bright blue eyes and cowboy boots, sitting exactly where he was sitting, looking out into the plains and desperate to get out, go somewhere else. Anywhere, anywhere, but please, far away.

With the same sudden force, he imagined a future, where he hadn't called Jack and Jack had died, where the tire irons had gotten to him and Ennis hadn't been there… he imagined visiting his parents and being in this same room, this same place… the grief that overtook him at the mere thought took his breath away.

He tore himself away from his reflections, away from the window and turned to drink in the sight of Jack, alive and well, standing in the middle of the room looking at him with quizzical eyes. He was already crushing him in his arms before he realized he had moved.

Jack embraced Ennis back with equal force, barely able to breath but not complaining. Ennis' hands roamed through all of Jack, caressing his strong arms, his back, his ass, garnering a moaning response from Jack. Roaming hands stopping in his face, no longer pressing and desperate but soft… so gentle. Gentle fingers touching Jack's face like a blind man reading Braille, going through the cheeks, the nose, eyelids, ears, taking time in the angular jaw and pausing in the lips. Those soft lips. Ennis was teasing them, touching them, until Jack, desperate, took Ennis' hand, kissed it and then went for Ennis' own lips. The kiss was fierce, passionate, drawing blood. They were both fighting for control, though in this particular endeavor there were no losers. They pressed their bodies together, wanting to vanish into the other.

They had to part to take a few gasping breaths, foreheads touching, bodies tingling with sensation. Eyes meeting, honey lust and darkened cerulean.

"Get your ass down for dinner, boy!" John Twist's voice rang up from downstairs, jolting Ennis and Jack away from each other.

"I've never liked my old man, but I tell you I've never hated him until right now… meddling bastard." said Jack, chuckling. But also very desperately hoping Ennis would not freak out and decide they could never again engage in such 'exertions' in his father's house.

Thankfully, Ennis took it in stride, punching Jack in the shoulder and smiling slightly.

"Horny rodeo…"

"Me horny? Who jumped who right now?" shot back Jack with mock offense.

"You hush now." said Ennis, coloring slightly. What that man made him do… still, he had to remember to be careful in the future, 'cause Jack's dad sure as hell needed no more reasons to despise his son.

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Time passed slowly, Jack and Ennis sharing Jack's room, taking turns in sleeping in the bed or in a sleeping bag on the floor. Their couplings were as intense as ever, though they had to be careful of being quieter than they were used to. The whole thing made them feel like newlyweds staying at their parents house, Jack having occasional giggling fits because the thought of having sex with the man he loved, in his room, in his father's house sometimes seemed like something too surreal… Ennis would try to quiet Jack down, but would eventually feel himself giving in and chuckling as well. The only effective way to shut Jack up, of course, was to kiss the breath out of him, and Ennis wasn't at all troubled by having to do so.

Outside of Jack's room, things were somewhat strange. While Jack's father continued to be as mean as always to his son, he had acquired a grudging respect for Ennis' quiet ways and hard work. And he was finding less and less to criticize Jack with, because the boys were indeed licking the ranch into shape, slowly but surely.

Many things had needed repair, from a new coat of paint to plain rebuilding, but Ennis was very good with his hands, and Jack, who had become unused to such work in his years working for Newsome Farm Equipment, soon got back his rhythm, and lost a few pounds.

Ennis wanted to repair the ranch at least well enough that it could be sold, figuring that John Twist wouldn't be able to keep it going by himself after they left or that any hands he hired would put up with his bitching for very long. And he seemed rather ill, so who knew when he might conk out. He had always liked ranch work and working alongside Jack everyday made him remember the days up in Brokeback, the disbelieving joy of waking up next to the black-haired cowboy, no hazy apparition produced by endless longing, but a solid, warm body, all his. He usually woke up a bit earlier than Jack, and he loved to just stare at him until it was time to kick him out of bed.

He was thus entertained one very early morning, when his eyes were met by blinking, sleep-hazed cobalt.

"What're you lookin' at, cowboy?" asked Jack, voice quiet and clogged.

Ennis smiled.

"You." he then proceeded to kiss Jack good morning, a gesture that was received with much pleasure by the now very awake man.

Jack felt that it was all coming together, at last. Being under his father's disapproving gaze every day was hard, but he felt that with Ennis by his side and with everything he had been through, he was a stronger man. He was no longer the little boy being beaten senseless not just by blows and belt buckles, but by scorn and derision. It had taken him time, but he was on the way to living his dream at last, and that certainty made him feel stronger than he ever had. Strong enough to look at his dad dead in the eye without flinching at his contemptuous remarks, strong enough to let them slide and throw himself to the work in the ranch, who cares what the old man spits out if Ennis is here with me.

Jack's mother saw it all, taking in her boy's happiness, taking in the love she could read in his eyes for Ennis. She had always been afraid for Jack's heart… he was such a sensitive boy, such a dreamer. He wanted so much out of life, he wanted to love and be loved so desperately, that she had always feared her boy might get a good trampling by life. She remembered when, twenty years ago, he had come to stay with them for a while after working up in Brokeback Mountain during the summer… she didn't need to see the slight fading bruise on his face or the slump of his shoulder, all she had to do was look into her boy's eyes and she knew that he had finally found love… and that love had taken a good beating at him. Of course, it hadn't taken her very long to figure out who it was Jack loved, the slight hitch in his voice whenever he mentioned his fishing buddy Ennis was all she needed. The fact that her boy loved a man, she had taken in with a mother's all-accepting love, though it saddened her to realize that it was even harder now for him to ever be happy. So when she had received Jack's call, when she had seen the two figures getting out of the truck, she hadn't been able to keep back a prayer of thanks. Perhaps life was through trampling her boy after all.

Jack and his father had gone to town one day, to see about some cattle or other they needed to buy and for Jack to charm some clientele for the ranch.

Ennis was having some coffee and reading a paper, when Jack's mother joined him.

"Good morning, ma'am." he greeted her.

"Good morning Ennis. I hope you don't mind me joining you for a little while?" she asked.

"Not at all, ma'am." he answered.

He truly liked Jack's momma. He had occasionally wondered why she had let his dad be so hard of him, but remembering his own father and his failed marriage with Alma, he realized that women more often than not put up with a lot of crap from their husbands. Jack's mother was quiet and soft, certainly, but he sensed some hidden strength in her, some stand against her husband that was evidenced in her kind and accepting love of Jack, in her fussing over Ennis, in her cherry cake.

"You and Jack are doing a good job here. Working very hard." she commented, eyes on the view visible from the kitchen window. "And Jack is happy. I can see that." she continued, eyes now fixing on Ennis.

"Yes, ma'am. We're sure doin' our best… and Jack is happy. So am I." Ennis said, not for the first time wondering just how much those kind eyes saw.

"You make him happy, Ennis. I've known that from the first time he said your name, many years ago. And, I wanted to say thank you, for deciding to come with him. It was his greatest dream." she told him, taking his hand in hers.

Ennis was choked with emotion. The soft touch reminded him of his own mother's embrace… which took him to that dozy embrace so long ago up in Brokeback, which took him, like always, to Jack.

"No, ma'am… I'm the one that has to thank Jack. If it weren't for him… for him never giving up on me… he makes me… complete." the words were tripping over themselves, Ennis finding it near impossible to put into a simple word what Jack made him feel.

But Jack's momma understood. So she only smiled, and squeezed his hand.

Author's note: well, hope you guys liked this one! I hope to update next one soon, but school has an annoying way of getting in the way of writing… grrr.

Please review, your comments mean so much! 


	11. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I do not own Brokeback Mountain or any of it's characters, they are sole property of Annie Proulx and Focus Features.

**I dreamed dream**

Chapter 10

Jack and John Twist were on the way to the town of Lightning Flat, driving in Jack's truck, the road whirring past them and the silence inside the pick-up loud as ever. John was driving, mainly because Jack figured that the time it would take to argue his dad out of it would end up totaling the time it took to get to the town and back. He was aware of his dad looking sideways at him every few minutes, of the wheezy rasp of his breath harrumphing, knew he was going to say something sooner or later, but tried to delay the inevitable verbal showdown by looking pointedly outside the window.

Being alone with his dad made Jack feel helpless. When he was with Ennis or his mom, he managed to find the strength to stand up to him, to not flinch, but with nobody else around, all he could see was an angry, violent man towering over him, with a belt in hand lashing out, yelling, threatening him. And all he could do is feel six years old again, scared, sad, humiliated… and utterly uncomprehending. Didn't his daddy love him? Why was he yelling, why was he hurting him? Aren't I your little boy, daddy?

Jack shivered at the memories flooding his mind, tried to shake himself out of it.

"You cold, boy?" the gravelly voice interrupted his reverie. Damn, now he had to talk to him…

"Uh, no, sir, I'm fine."

"Then why you shiverin, huh?"

"I don' know, dad, juss because." Jack was a bit tired of the stupid exchange, knew his father was trying to draw him out for an argument.

Silence reigned once more inside the truck. But now John Twist didn't hesitate again before speaking.

"The, uh, ranch is coming along fine."

Hmm… a compliment? There had to be a catch.

"Yeah, it sure is." Jack answered cautiously.

"You're friend ain't a half bad worker." John continued.

"Ennis has been a hard worker his whole life." Jack said.

"Hmm… known him for how long?" John asked.

"Nearly twenty years, since I went up to Brokeback summer of '63." answered Jack, smiling involuntarily at the memory.

"So why you finally come, huh boy? You been sayin' you're coming all your life, why did you this time? It ain't like you to ever keep a promise."

There we go, ask what you really want dad, no more beatin' round the bush.

"Well, uh, I split from my wife and I decided that it was time to do what I wanted to do in my life, not keep on doin' somethin' I hated in a place I couldn't stand." said Jack simply.

"And what you wanted was whut? Live with that buddy a yours?" asked John, a hint of mockery in his tone.

Hell, if it's gonna be an argument, then let it be a big one. No more fucking hiding.

"Yeah, dad. That's what I wanted. To live with Ennis." answered Jack, putting fear behind him. Ah, I'm thirty nine years old, and I'm past caring what my old man thinks.

"You sound like a queerboy, Jack." said John, disgust lacing his tone now.

Oh, name-calling. Back in familiar territory. Well, might as well fire all the guns, no holding back now…

"You know what, dad? I **am** a queer boy," declared Jack, voice laced with strength, "and I don't give a damn what you think, 'cause after twenty years I'm finally happy."

Silence. Then…

"You what?! I cain't believe you say it like that, like it's normal…" John exploded, shaking his head. "Well, I shouldn't be surprised, you always were a damn fuck-up, figures you'd end up being queer."

"Yeah, dad, I always been a fuck-up to you, but you know what? I'm past fucking caring. And if being happy means I'm queer, then I don't give a damn what you or the rest o' the world thinks ." Jack affirmed.

"And Ennis is probably your little boyfriend, you're both filthy faggots, ain't you?" sneered John. "Well boy, if you think I'll have a couple of faggots sleepin' in my house…"

"First of all, you got no right to say nothing about Ennis, 'cause he's twice the man you could ever hope to be and it's got nothing to do with who he sleeps with," said Jack, a no-nonsense tone in his voice, "and secondly, you **will** have us, whether you like us or not, because you know damn well you need us to help with the ranch, and we done a fine job of it, too."

Silence again.

What, no insult? No comeback? You losin' your edge, dad? Looking out the window, concentratin' on drivin' like your life depends on it. Ah, well, a truce. You can't stand my guts and I ain't crazy about you, either, but we'll make do. Silence will do.

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"And then, he just stood up, for all the world like he hadn't just been thrown off a horse, and declared 'I was practicin' for the rodeo, momma!'" said Mrs. Twist, chuckling.

"Yep, that sounds like Jack, alright." said Ennis, smiling.

He was still sitting at the breakfast table, his breakfast having extended to lunch because he'd stayed talking with Mrs. Twist all morning, sharing stories, or more often than not, hearing stories about Jack as a boy, though occasionally sharing a few about his own childhood. Jack's momma reminded him so much of his mother, of her warm and accepting homeliness, that he found himself dredging up memories he hadn't thought on for years and years. After talking for some time, he understood now where Jack got that acceptance, that nearly unquenchable hope, that happiness.

"Ah, Jack was always one for riding and horses…" started Mrs. Twist, a wistful smile on her face, at once happy and sad. "I remember one time, that same old mare that threw him got ill… she was a very old animal, not much use around the ranch, but Jack loved her. So when he found her ill, he got together all the pennies he'd saved, to pay the vet, he said. Well, his dad would have none of it, said it was time for the horse to die, he was lying down and everything, to quit whining. So Jack, he went into the bathroom, took out some pills and a hot water bag, grabbed his own bed quilt and went out to the stalls. He sat down in a bale of hay, and tried to nurse the poor mare back to health. He sang to her, warmed her with the bag and his quilt, stroked her… stayed up with him all night. But there was no fixin' him, so come morning the mare was dead."

"Whut did Jack do?" asked Ennis quietly, imagining a young boy, blue eyes full of desperate hope, trying to save his old favorite mare.

"He cried like there was no tomorrow, he was devastated." said Mrs. Twist, shaking her head sadly, "He really thought he could save the horse. And then his daddy went into the stall, told him to stop crying like a pansy, to get outta there to do his chores. Jack just nodded, tried to do some work, but he was tripping on his own feet, he was so tired and sad. So I just told him to go to his room and get some sleep." she finished.

"He always hopes so hard that things will be alright…" said Ennis, feeling incredibly sad and protective of Jack, at once wanting to hold him and to punch his dad a good one for being so heartless.

"Yes… at least he finally got something he hoped for, now." said Mrs. Twist, smiling softly at Ennis.

At least… at last.

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"I'm gonna go make some calls, alright?" asked Jack

"Hmph…"

"Ok, meet you at the pick-up in an hour and a half."

They'd finally gotten to town and none too soon. Jack was desperate to get out of the stifling quiet of the pick-up, to shake off the strong feelings confronting his dad had provoked. He needed to make some calls, visit the real-estate office and then get himself a nice, cold beer.

He went into a phone booth and started dropping a bunch of quarters, dialing quickly.

"Hello?" a familiar voice answered.

"Lureen? Hi, it's Jack."

"Oh, hi, Jack, how you been?"

"Quite alright, working hard at the ranch with Ennis, though it sure ain't to nice to be around the old man so much. How about you? Bobby?"

"We're just fine. Bobby misses you, though."

A pang of sadness and guilt hit Jack with that statement. He hadn't talked to Bobby since he'd left Childress, and he sure missed him as well.

"I miss him, too. But I can't make phone-calls from the ranch, my dad would get on my case if I called long distance…"

"Well, I'll call you so you can talk to Bobby on Sunday, alright? I got the number. So why did you call? I imagine it wasn't just to say hello…" said Lureen, as always getting to the point.

"I was just wondering if you got the papers I needed yet, the bank statements and deeds and all…"

"Yeah, I got them. You want me to mail them to you to Lightning Flat?" asked Lureen

"Yes, please, that would be great."

"Sure, I'll do that tomorrow mornin'. Anything else?"

"Nope, that's all. Just take care of yourself, alright? And give Bobby a hug from me."

"Sure will, Jack. Bye."

"Bye."

Strangely enough, it had been almost like their old conversations face to face, before the divorce, the same businesslike quality… only, this one had felt a lot more honest.

Jack went into the small real-estate office, looking mainly for information in general, nothing concrete yet. He browsed brochures and selected some to take home, ranging from property in Wyoming to places like Texas, California, even Canada. Hell, he figured having many options was always a good idea.

He was occupied in leafing through a 'Live the holiday of your life in Hawaii' brochure, wondering how it would be like to 'surf the turquoise blue waves like soaring dolphin' and amusing himself picturing Ennis in a bathing suit, when a conversation caught his attention.

"Yeah, you know the Twist ranch? Some half hour outside of town…"

"Yeah, I know the place. Kinda run down, though, ain't it?"

He discreetly turned to look at two men, one a bit older than him with a bushy brown beard and another younger looking cowboy, who were talking, sitting in the brown chairs of the office.

"Well, it is the worse for wear, but the property itself is in a damn good place, got plenty of space… and I drove past it the other day, it's getting fixed up."

"Really? You think old man Twist finally decided to hire some decent help?"

"Nah, he's always been to cheap to hire decent help. I think his son is helping him out. Anyways, I don't know if they might sell in the future, but I sure got my eye on that ranch."

"Well, doc says that old Twist has had a few heart problems, overheard him talking to Johnny the bartender, but he refuses to get proper medication. So I guess it ain't a long shot."

Jack missed the reply because at that moment the two men were signaled by the secretary that the realtor was ready to see them.

Well, Jack figured it was a good thing someone was showing interest in buying the ranch… but he hadn't heard anything about heart problems. Deep in thought, he walked to the nearest bar and got a nice, cold beer from Johnny the bartender himself. After knocking back his drink quickly and dropping a few bucks on the bar, he went outside and headed for the truck.

John Twist was already waiting, but something seemed to be a bit off about his posture.

"Dad? You alright?" Jack asked as he was getting closer.

"I'm… fine… what… took… you… so… damn… long?" wheezed out John.

"Dad, you ain't fine. You're short of breath… want me to take you to the doctor's?" questioned Jack, putting his hand on his father's shoulder.

"Nah… let's just… go." he answered, moving away from Jack's touch.

"Alright, but don't think for a second I'm letting you drive." said Jack, exasperation at his father's stubbornness evident in his voice.

Honestly, the man was impossible.

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Author's note: I'm sooooo incredibly sorry I haven't updated in so long! RL was not only busy but terribly difficult these past months. Anyway, I hope I haven't lost all my readers yet, but be assured that I'm already writing next chapter and I'm not taking a hiatus from this story until it's finished. I would LOVE feedback, makes my day :)


	12. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I do not own Brokeback Mountain or any of it's characters, they are sole property of Annie Proulx and Focus Features.

**I dreamed a dream**

Chapter 11

It was slow but relentless, the eroding and hardening of his heart. By bitterness and a sense of inadequacy… of never being up to the task of raising a human being, so small, so innocent, so helpless, eyes so blue, smile so big.

And so, in a strange reaction, he tried to make the reason for those feelings smaller, less, always less… breaking him, hurting him while unable to stop loving him, helplessly adoring him while beating him and humiliating him.

And yet, even after all that, he was always so much more than him… so sensitive, so hopeful, his boy. He left, he went away to try and shine, to be free. He mocked him, telling him he ain't never gonna make it, silently telling him he's so much better than himself, please, you can be so much more than me, don't go down the same road. No way to put it into words, so the advice was lost.

He wanted to wish him luck, to hug him goodbye… but it was too late then, too late by a long shot.

He came back, every once in a while. He's back for a long time, now. All grown up, tall and strong… but still those eyes, still that smile. And the absolute contradiction and ambiguity of feeling so proud his chest is fit to burst, and utterly resentful and hateful at the same time threatens to break him at times… he doesn't know what to do, so he lashes out, so he sneers at him, hits him words instead of blows, because he is, after all and despite him, a grown man now. His son.

John Twist sat on a chair, out on the porch. A lukewarm cup of bitter coffee keeping his hands busy, while dusk settled on the ever windswept plains, the howling of the wind an adequate companion to his thoughts.

The loud ring of the telephone interrupted his slightly anguished musings. He stood up with a groan, his tired knees protesting, wondering who might be calling on a Sunday evening. His query was answered when he walked into the house to see Jack with a grin on his face, talking on the phone.

"Hi Lureen! Thank you for calling." Jack said

"Oh, sure, Bobby was eager to talk to you…" Lureen answered.

"Put him on the phone!"

"Honestly you too, you're like little kids…" Lureen said in mock exasperation. Jack could hear Bobby clamoring to get on the phone across the line.

"Daddy?"

"Hi, son! How are you doin'?" Jack asked, breaking out into a smile so big his cheeks hurt.

"I'm alright daddy, but I sure miss you…"

Jack felt a pang go through him.

"Aw, I miss you too Bobby…. How's school? You doin' your exercises, working hard?"

"Yeah, daddy, I am… it's real frustrating sometimes, though, I like it better when you're there to read with me."

"I miss reading with you too… but keep working hard, ok?"

"I will, daddy. When do you think I can go live with you?"

"Hmm, well son, we gotta get ourselves settled first… but I'll go visit you soon, alright?"

"Yes! And we can go ridin', and plan how my bedroom will look, and…"

"We'll do all those things, Bobby."

Unbeknownst to Jack, his conversation was currently being overheard by Ennis and his parents. The three were utterly riveted to Jack's words, while pretending, with varying degrees of success, that they were doing anything but. Ennis was reading a ranching catalogue, upside down, a faint smile on his face at the obvious happiness of Jack… he had missed Bobby, just like Ennis missed his girls.

John was still pretending to drink from the now empty tin coffee cup, his eyes jumping to Jack's figure every few seconds; he was listening with growing amazement to the conversation… he had never heard his son talk to his grandson before, in fact he hadn't met his grandson… and he was overcome by regret at the fact in that precise moment, because he had never shown any interest, and because he knew he had never been able to talk to Jack the way Jack was talking to his son.

Mrs. Twist was occupied in washing a dish for the third time, glad that no matter what had happened to him, Jack had become a good father.

"Daddy? Mom says she wants to talk to you…"

"Ok, son. Take care of yourself, work hard. I love you."

"Love you too, daddy! Oh, and say hi to Ennis from me."

"Will do, kid. Bye!"

"Jack?" Lureen asked.

"Yep. What's up, Lureen?"

"Well, I just wanted to let you know that I sent all those papers you asked for and they should be getting to you soon… any idea of where you want to buy property, where you want to settle down?"

"I actually went down to the real-estate office a few days ago, got some brochures… I have a pretty good idea of what I want, but I need to check the papers, make sure everything works out."

"Quite right. Well, Jack, it was good talking to you."

"You too, Lureen. Thanks again for calling and for sending those papers."

"Don't mention it. Bye"

"Bye."

Jack hung up and turned around, finally realizing he had had an audience for the entire phone call. He took in the upside down catalogue, the empty tin cup and the way too clean dish, chuckled to himself and went to his room.

No more than three seconds later, Ennis followed.

"Hey Jack… "

"Ennis. Enjoyed the eavesdropping?" asked Jack, a teasing grin on his face.

"Uh… hmm… m'sorry, didn't mean to…" muttered Ennis, a faint blush covering his face.

Jack burst out laughing. Ennis looked up, shook his head ruefully while mumbling something about 'damn fool rodeos', but he eventually joined in Jack's laughter.

They finally sobered up and sat down on the bed, the comfortable silence of companionship between them. It was then that Ennis remembered exactly why he had followed Jack into the room.

"Jack?"

"Hmm?" Jack was already lying down on the bed, stretched out like a luxurious cat.

"What was that you were talkin' about with Lureen, about papers and real-estate brochures?" Ennis asked, failing to keep the tone of slight hurt out of his voice at the fact that Jack had shared things that sounded so important with his ex-wife and not with him.

Of course, Jack picked up on it immediately, sat up and took Ennis' hand in his.

"Well, I wanted to tell you everything until after the papers arrived, but your nosy ear got ahead of me…" said Jack, sincerity and tender teasing in his voice. "You remember when I was arranging the divorce with Lureen?"

"Yeah…" Ennis remembered the polite discussion in the living room with a touch of disbelief still. The three of them, sitting and chatting about plans for the future…

"Remember that we discussed were we'd live, and she mentioned I had some money saved and that I'd be getting a divorce settlement? Well, I asked her to send those papers over, so I could go over them with you, try an' figure out how much money we have if we want to buy a place of our own…" Jack waited and went on when he received a nod of confirmation. "And when I went into town a few days ago, I figured it would be a good idea to get some information on property and such."

He stopped then, a momentary flash of fear coursing through him. What if Ennis was having second thoughts about finally living the dream? What if all this made it to real, scared him away?

His fear was quickly quenched when Ennis looked deep into his eyes, brown with golden flakes meeting cerulean, and smiled.

"It sounds like a damn fine plan, rodeo. Why don't you show me those brochures of yours?"

Jack felt so happy that before he realized it he was kissing the breath out of Ennis, hands madly caressing his face, fingers tangled in the soft, golden curls in the nape of his neck. Ennis answered the kiss with equal fervor, hands not getting enough of the body pressed to his, his heart filling with so much happiness he was about to weep for joy.

When they finally, reluctantly, parted for oxygen, they kept foreheads pressed, looking into each others eyes.

"Go on, lil' darlin', show me the brochures." Ennis whispered.

Jack stood up and went to the small desk, fiddled the drawer open and took out a pile of glossy leaflets, throwing himself and them back onto the bed.

Ennis started rifling through them, when a particular one caught his eye. He examined it closely, frowned and turned to Jack, who was watching him, having waited for this particular discussion.

"California, Jack?"

"It's a lovely place, Ennis… look here, we can have orchards of oranges, apples, strawberries… it's the golden state." Jack answered, trying very hard not to laugh at the expression on Ennis' face.

"I don't care if it's the state where gold shoots outta the ground, I ain't going to California! It's full of damn hippies Jack! And you know how I feel about hippies…"

"I know, I know… 'they're un-american'" said Jack, making quotations in the air.

"Damn right they are. Plus… it's too damn hot."

"How you even know that? You ever been?" Jack asked, loving how Ennis tried to justify himself. "Never mind, I knew we weren't gonna buy any property there."

"Then how come you grabbed this?"

"Well, I was just dying to see your reaction… plus, it's always good to keep your options open." said Jack, his best sales-man smile on his face.

Ennis just glared at him and continued to browse. Jack was waiting for the next 'what the hell?' and sure enough, it came only seconds later.

"Canada?!"

"It's a beautiful country, cowboy. So endless, beautiful mountains, and I know how you love mountains… lakes, bears, green pastures…"

"Which we won't enjoy for more than a month probably! It's way too fucking cold! I ain't gonna live buried in snow all year…"

"Ennis, have you ever been to Canada, either?" again Ennis shook his head, mumbling "So stop being so damn criticizing… plenty o' Canadians live there, right? So I'm pretty sure people aren't buried in snow all year… but I didn't think we'd go there either…" Jack grinned.

"Let me guess… you were dying to see my reaction and it's good to keep your options open?" said Ennis, heavy sarcasm lacing his voice.

"You're learning cowboy!"

"Hmph." Ennis just shoved Jack off the bed.

"Hey!"

"You deserved it. Now shush and let me keep lookin' at these…"

They continued to read over the brochures, occasionally pointing out things to each other. And then, their eyes came to rest on a brochure on Wyoming itself, a gorgeous picture of Brokeback Mountain itself on the cover. Jack's breath caught and he looked up to see Ennis was looking at the picture with a strange intensity.

"Jack…" he started softly, looking up "I think… I think I want to buy a place in right here in Wyoming. Near the mountains. It's a hard place to live in, but… but I don' think I'd like to live anywhere else."

Jack just smiled, nodded in complete understanding. He took Ennis' hand again, and picking up from where the kiss left off, they scrambled to get their clothes off, desperate for skin on skin contact. Jack kissed every inch of Ennis' weathered face, each freckle, each slight wrinkle. Ennis moaned, and started kissing his way down Jack's body, until he was gasping, until the need to be completely connected became completely overwhelming.

Their coupling had a new sort of intensity to it, the intensity and love of two souls who have long hoped for something and at last, at last see it starting to come together.

When they finished, satiated and spent, they held each other close, Ennis whispering 'Lil' darlin'… my lil' darlin'."

0

0

0

It was Monday morning, and Jack, Ennis and Mr. Twist were working on the ranch, doing various chores, mending fences, feeding the scant cattle and horses.

The truce between Jack and John had lasted, which completely surprised Jack. He had expected to live under a constant flow of insults the moment he told his father he was queer, but John seemed to be content with mere silence.

Also, Jack was pretty sure his dad was lacking enough breath to go wastin' it on insultin' him.

He was battling with a particularly stubborn nail and wooden plank, when the sound of someone falling and of Ennis calling his name made him jump around quickly.

Ennis was kneeling next to a prostrate John Twist. Jack ran to them as fast as his legs could carry him.

"Dad! Dad, you alright?!"

John blinked up at him, confusion evident on his features.

"I was walking toward the stables when I saw him go down, just like that…" said Ennis, who was slightly pale.

"I… I'm fine… I think I'm just a bit tired… a little short o' breath." said John in a hoarse voice.

"A bit tired… dad, you need to get yerself checked out by the doctor." Jack said, chiding him.

"No damn doctors… just… I just need to lay down fer… a while…"

Jack rolled his eyes.

"Ok, we'll get you up. Hold on tight, alright?"

"Ain't a… weak…"

Before he could continue, Jack and Ennis hauled him up and started leading him slowly to the house.

The door was opened by a worried looking Mrs.Twist.

"What happened, Jack?"

"He fainted, momma… he's very short of breath."

She nodded, led the way to the bedroom. They settled him down on the bed, Mrs. Twist fluffing pillows and placing a blanket over him.

"I tell you, I don't care what he says… I'm gonna call a doctor."

Mrs. Twist came out of the bedroom at that moment, softly closing the door behind her.

"Don't Jack. Your dad doesn't want one, and there ain't a thing on this earth that will make him accept medicine or any visits from a doctor."

"But momma, he ain't well…"

"I know, son." and indeed, the pain of knowledge was reflected in her eyes. "But it's what he wants."

With that, she went into the kitchen to prepare some tea for her husband, leaving Jack and Ennis looking at each other with apprehension.

TBC

Author's note: well, here's chapter 11, a quick update like I promised! I hope you guys like it, and please do leave a comment, it means the world to me. : )


	13. Chapter 12

**I dreamed a dream**

Chapter 12

"Here, John. I brought you some hot tea."

Mrs. Twist helped her husband sit up on the bed, carefully placing the tin cup in his hands. She knew that her husband was quite ill, she had listened to his troubled breathing and silently witnessed his fatigue, his chest pains. She had even made the doctor look at him once, when they were in town. But John wouldn't take any medication, said it was too expensive and they needed the money for more important things. Plus, what did a pansy ass doctor know, anyway?

Grace thought back to when she'd first met John, a young girl of nineteen. She'd lived in Lightning Flat her whole life and he had too, but they'd never seen each other because he lived up in the ranch with his father. Then, one day at a Fourth of July dance, she was sitting with her sister when a man came up to her and asked her to dance. He was tall and brawny, looked a ranch hand through and through, but when she looked up into his eyes, blue as the sky, she saw a glimpse of something… of laughter, and dreams, of getting out of this town and seeing life…

It was that something that made her accept, made her dance with him the whole night.

Her brother had finally come to get her, but not before the man, who she knew now was called John Twist, asked if he could see her again someday. She said yes.

Time passed and she and John began to go out regularly. He was quiet, but she felt safe with him, her tiny frame encompassed by him when he held her. And before long he had shared his dream with her… he was in rodeo, quite good at it too, saving up to go travel. He wanted to see the ocean, wanted to see the cities. Wanted to get out of the ranch, be someone.

She liked his dream, liked to plan long journeys with him, taking out a battered map and tracing with their fingers what roads they'd take. For the first time in her life she felt truly important to someone, she felt she had a future different from the never-ending routine.

But one terrible winter day, the dreams and plans were torn asunder. John's brother and father died in a car accident, going too fast and hitting black ice, pick-up madly out of control, crashing, burning, killing them instantly.

So in an instant, John had to take the reins of the ranch, had to shoulder the responsibility and put all thoughts of travel, oceans and cities away.

He married Grace and settled to live a life of predictability, the life of a rancher he'd always thought he'd escape.

And in that instant, Grace saw the glimpse in his eyes die, never to be seen again. She'd always known that he could be gruff, somewhat rough… but she was taken aback to see just how much.

She loved him, and she was brought up to be obedient and good to her husband, so she stayed with him even when he became bitter and hard, trying hard to remember when he had been quiet but gentle. She stayed with him, doing her best, though knowing that he saw their son as a reminder of everything he hadn't managed to do and become, as a further responsibility tying him down.

She loved him, you see. That was one of the things she and Jack had in common. They didn't love easy men. But they couldn't help loving them.

John reached out and took her hand in his.

"Grace… could you call Jack, tell him to come talk to me a moment?"

She nodded, got up and wiped the moistness from her eyes before stepping out of the room.

0

0

0

Jack and Ennis were sitting out on the porch steps, looking out the desolate fields.

It always struck Jack, how very apart this ranch seemed to be. It was like stepping out of the world and into an outlandish place, the bleak and almost barren plains that framed the dilapidated structures worn by the never-ceasing wind, no real color but the whitened-out barely blue of the sky and the muted ochre of the dry grasslands.

Jack had always wanted to get out of Lightning Flat, not only to rodeo or to be someone, not only to get away from his old man… but to find a place he could call home that didn't feel like the end of the world, like a place devoid of any life or joy. He'd desperately looked for that his whole life, realizing only just now that the one place that had ever felt anything like the peace of home was Brokeback Mountain.

"Rodeo…" Ennis spoke in a barely audible whisper.

"Yeah?"

"Do you… do you want me to go to town and get a doctor fer your dad?"

Jack turned to look at Ennis, suddenly incredibly touched by the gesture, by the simple question.

"Nah… thanks, cowboy… but you know what my momma said. He won't see no doctor, and really… it's his call."

"Sure enough."

They were quiet once more, but now Ennis had put his arm around Jack's shoulder, not really knowing what to do or say, but trying to offer what support he could. Support that didn't go unnoticed, that Jack was so very grateful for.

"Son?"

Both men turned at the sound of Mrs. Twist's voice coming from the doorway.

"What is it momma?"

"Yer dad wants to have a word with you."

Jack's eyebrows shot up in surprise. He figured the last thing his dad would ever want would be to have a heart to heart with him… and truthfully, he couldn't muster up the energy to be polite in the face of his nastiness anymore. But the look in his momma's face made Jack stand up, walk towards the screen door and go towards his dad's room.

He knocked and opened the door.

John was propped up by two pillows, looking out the small window.

"Dad? You wanted to talk to me?"

John turned, resting his eyes on Jack's figure. A moment passed, with no words exchanged and Jack felt very exposed by the fixed gaze, felt he was being measured and compared… made him feel like he was young again.

Ah, get yer act together, Twist. Thought you was over getting' intimidated.

He returned John's stare unflinchingly. He moved closer to the bed.

"So, what did you want to talk about?"

Apparently finished with his visual examination, John looked down. After a brief hesitation, he started speaking.

"I… uh, I haven't been feelin' too great fer a while. And… I just know… my time is almost up.

So I wanted to tell you to take good care of yer momma…"

"You don't even have to ask me, dad. Of course I'll take care of her, I would never leave her to her own devices." interrupted Jack somewhat heatedly. Who the hell did the old man think he was… him?

"Yes, well. And… whatever you do with the ranch… sell it, keep it… make sure it's in good hands. My family worked hard for this here property, and I won't have you giving it over to some lazy scumbag like yerself, you hear?"

Patience, Jack. Have patience. Take a deep breath.

"Yes, sir."

John looked at his son once again, his sparkling blue eyes, his glossy black hair with just a hint of gray at the sides, his strong hands, his slightly shifting cowboy boots. He'd always had that habit. Damn kid couldn't stand still.

He wanted to say… he wanted to finally tell Jack all those things he'd never said. That no matter what, he was his son, and he was proud of him.

But… but… his own conflicting feelings stopped him. His pride, his shame stopped him. He just couldn't do it.

"Well, then. Ah… don't get yerself killed, alright? You've always been a trouble magnet, being queer will juss' make it worst."

Ah, the wise advice of John Twist.

"Yes, dad. I'll try and stop my queerness from getting me killed."

He was about to turn away, when John caught his hand in his.

"Jack…" there was an odd vulnerability in his voice Jack had never heard before. "Tell my grandson that… that I'm sorry I never met him."

Jack was stunned. John had never asked after Bobby, had never shown a remote interest in meeting him, knowing who he was. So he just nodded.

"Uh, ok dad. I will."

John released his hand, and Jack turned and walked slowly to the door. He was shutting the door behind him, when he thought he heard something.

"I hope you live happy, son."

He was frozen in place for a few seconds. Then he shook his head.

Nah, Twist, you must've been imagining things. John Twist would never say that.

But he could never quite convince himself that it really had been his imagination.

0

0

0

"Grace…"

"Yes, John?"

Mrs. Twist was back in the room, sitting in a chair next to the bed, doing some knitting while watching over her husband.

"Does it… bother you, that Jack is the way he is?"

Grace knew all that lay behind that question. Her husband was not only asking what she thought about Jack, but if she felt that somehow his being queer had something to do with him, was something that could be blamed on someone… she knew it was a question coming from a man who was seeing the end coming soon and was trying to come to terms with something he didn't understand, something he'd always been taught to hate and despise… but that had come upon him in the person that no matter how much he tried not to, he couldn't help but silently love.

She figured that it was about time she spoke her mind.

"No, it doesn't. I can't say I understand it… but I can see that he can't help it. It's who he is. And it doesn't make him better or worse… it may make it harder for him, to live in this world, where people are so hateful…" she paused, looking into his eyes with something akin to reproach.". but at least now he's with someone he loves. At least he's happy. That's all that really matters to me."

John was quiet for a while. He knew he was nearing death by the minute. The knowledge suddenly made everything different shades of gray. He couldn't quite bring himself to think in the old black and white he had been raised on… he couldn't really bring himself to condemn and hate his only son for loving another man. Not just now.

He felt uneasy, somewhat cheated, somewhat guilty by implication. But… in the face of his own imminent demise, he didn't feel the need to lie to himself anymore, to adjust the impulse of his feelings to what he'd been taught to believe.

Bottom line was… he loved his son. Damn.

He turned to look at his wife just then. But he didn't see a slightly wrinkled woman, the passing years marked on her face. He saw the beautiful and lithe young girl of nineteen, wearing a blue dress, laughing.

He'd turned hard on her, he knew. He'd let himself become angry and bitter. He wondered just why she'd stayed with him, but he preferred not to question it.

Bursts of pain shot up his left arm. He couldn't breathe. An explosion of deep pain in his chest. Throbbing agony. His vision narrowing, eyes watering. He couldn't breathe.

"John… John…"

He dimly felt someone touching his face. It was Grace, it was his wife.

"Jack!"

"Dad! Dad!"

"Oh, John…"

"I'm calling the doctor!"

Voices intermingling, secondary to the pain he was feeling. He had to say something, quick, before it was too late.

"Grace… I'm sorry… I…"

"Hush, hush now. I know, I know."

Warm tears falling on his face. Who was crying for him? Ah, his chest hurt. Make it stop.

"Dad…"

Oh, Grace, I love you. And Jack… son… I swear I…

Vision gone. Blackness. Heart stopping. Gone.

TBC.

Author's note: whew. Well, I hope you guys like this chapter. A lot of POV thoughts. I know some of you wanted John to make further amends, or live a bit longer. But while I tried to write him sympathetically, I just couldn't see John Twist ever really getting those words of apology out of his mouth. So his thoughts were as far as he got.

Feedback really makes my day, constructive criticism is much appreciated.

Thank you so very much to those who have read and commented on this story : )


	14. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I do not own Brokeback Mountain or any of it's characters, they are exclusive property of Annie Proulx and Focus Features.

Author's note: Thank you so much to those who have reviewed every chapter in this story, it seriously means a lot. So, special thanks to **thiZZorDIE, asara kaden, onefreetoroam, Judy, blackpanther95, victopet **and **aussiejohn. **

**I dreamed a dream**

Chapter 13

"So here is the death certificate… do you know what funeral home you'll be using, do you know where you'll bury him?"

"Yes, we had all those things sorted. Thank you, doctor."

"No problem, Mrs. Twist. And my condolences to you both."

"Thank you."

Jack was numb. He could see the doctor was talking, could see his mother answering politely, but for the life of him he couldn't focus on what it was they were saying, couldn't attempt to follow the conversation. He didn't know what to say, what to do… what to feel.

The one thing he was conscious of was the memory flashing in his brain of his father, gasping for breath, clutching his chest… trying to say something, groaning in pain. His mother crying, caressing his hair. Ennis calling the doctor, clipped tone, worried. And him… looking into his father's eyes, feeling that somehow his dad had something to tell him… something he would never find out now.

He shivered. John C. Twist was dead. The monster of his childhood, the creator of his insecurities, the looming pillar of disapproval… but his father, after all. His father was dead. Why the fuck do I feel like this, huh? I hated the old bastard! No way to ever please him, made me feel like shit my whole life… why the hell am I sad? Why? Shit, I feel so confused…

Suddenly, a familiar and welcome warmth enveloped him, someone was saving him from his numbness, from his memories, from his grief.

"Ennis…" he whispered. And buried himself in his shoulder.

Ennis watched the scene from a small distance. He felt the whole thing was rather a family affair, that his presence would be disruptive. After all, the doctor was handing Mrs. Twist her husband's death certificate, they were sorting out the necessary yet seemingly pointless details of funeral homes, burial plots and priests…

Mrs. Twist was pale, but determined, resigned. She was taking charge, displaying her quiet strength. Ennis knew she'd be alright.

He looked at Jack, took in his slightly slumped shoulders, his somewhat bent head. Ennis knew he was staring at nothing, he seemed to be far away, reliving memories… he desperately wanted to hold him, to tell him it would be alright, but felt rather unsure. The moment he saw Jack shiver, saw his hands trembling, he moved before he realized he had, he took Jack in his arms and held him close.

He felt more than heard the shuddering breath, his name being whispered.

"Hush, little darlin'… hush. I'm here."

Mrs. Twist closed the door. She looked down at the official looking paper in her hands… wondered at the irony that a human life could be reduced to a mere piece of paper, a few printed words, a signature. That's all. That's John C. Twist, my husband, the father of my son. A paper.

It was easier to think of him like this than to think of him as the cold and lifeless corpse, waiting for the funeral parlor to take him.

Don't' be morbid Grace. Pull yourself together… you'll be just fine. You will.

She turned around and looked at Ennis and her son, wrapped in a tight embrace. She saw the tenderness with which Ennis held Jack, the way he was holding him together.

All she could do was thank whoever was listening that Jack had someone to lean on at last.

0

0

0

"… and we commit his body to the ground. Let us pray."

Mrs. Twist, Jack and Ennis bent their heads and prayed with the minister. The whole affair was seeped in pathetic fallacy, the weather mirroring the burial perfectly. It was a cold January day, the sort that robbed the world of any warmth and semblance of life. The icy wind blew, defying the stitches in their clothes and managing to freeze them to the marrow. The blackened skeletons of trees wept with thawing ice, the grass was withered and no birds sang. It was a perfect day for a funeral.

Jack couldn't decide whether his old man deserved such a deserted service for being like he was, or whether he felt sad that John Twist had no one else to mourn him but his wife, his queer son and his lover. Perhaps it was poetic justice, Jack mused.

At last, the dreary event was over. Mrs. Twist lay down a few flowers which looked incongruous in the setting, and they turned and left the family plot.

Back in the house, they had coffee and cherry cake, sitting down and not finding any words to say, feeling more comfortable with the silence. It was Grace who shook herself out of her reflections and decided to tackle more practical matters.

"You know, Jack… I think I want to go live with your Uncle Harold and your Aunt Muriel in Gillette. They have invited me to stay with them, to visit them more than once… and when I called to let them know your father was gone, Muriel insisted I go live with them."

"And will you be alright, momma? You sure that's what you want?"

"Yes… yes, I don't want to stay up here."

"Ok, momma. I gotta tell you, it eases my mind to know you'll be with them… I woulda hated the thought of you alone somewhere… had a half mind to ask you to come live with us, when we get settled."

"Oh, Jack, thank you. But I would hate to intrude on you two, the last thing you want setting up a place is an old woman… No, I want to go down to Gillette. I've missed Harold and Muriel… I'll enjoy being with them."

Jack took his mother's hand in his own, squeezed it tight. Perhaps now his mother would finally live in a house filled with warmth, with laughter. A house where she'd be welcomed and loved, not stepping around eggshells all day long. It took away a great weight from his shoulders.

"And what are you going to do with the ranch? It's yours now."

Yes. Wasn't that just grand. The place he'd run from his whole life, that he'd wanted to escape since he could remember was his.

"I know momma… I… I think I want to sell it." he wondered if his mother would be sad about that. But when he looked into her eyes, all he saw was a deep and sorrowful understanding. She knew what this ranch symbolized for him. Understood why he couldn't stay, why he had to put it behind him at last.

"Do you know if there's anyone interested, Jack?" asked Ennis, voice soft.

"Actually… yes. When I went to town with… before…" he took a deep breath. Shit, get over it Twist. "Last time I went into town, I went into the real-estate office to get all those brochures…" he couldn't help the involuntary smile that came to him, remembering the night he and Ennis had looked at them. Ennis answering smile let him know he was remembering it too.

"Anyway, I overheard two ranchers talking about wanting to buy this property. They seemed quite interested in it. So I figure I'll go into the office, let them know I'm selling… I'm sure they'll know who those guys were."

"That's good, son. Just… make sure you sell it to good people, alright?"

Jack remembered his dad saying something to that effect, about how hard his family had worked on this ranch. And it seemed terribly important that he not ignore the request… it seemed like a lot in his life had been decided because of this very ranch.

"Yes, momma. Don't worry. Me and Ennis will go down to the office tomorrow, ok?"

"Sure thing. Well, boys, if you'll excuse me, I'm beat. Good night."

Jack got up, gave her a gentle hug. "Good night." he whispered.

He turned to look at Ennis, sitting quietly, reading the love and the support in his eyes. And before any words were spoken, Ennis was up and his arms were around him.

You're gettin' soft, Twist. Need to be held like a child every minute…

But he didn't care. Because right now, the only thing that seemed right in this world was to be held by Ennis.

"Ennis… why do I miss him? I'm a fucking mess… but he was a bastard, Ennis. Why the hell do I miss him?" he asked resting his face against Ennis' shoulder, voice tinged with desperation.

"Oh, rodeo…" Jack could feel the quiet rumble of Ennis' words, his steady breathing. "it's alright to miss him. Because as much of a bastard as he was… he was your father."

Ennis held Jack a bit tighter. He knew how much he needed this, to be held and comforted. It hurt him to see the look of pain and confusion on Jack's face, hurt him to know he couldn't do anything about it but listen, but be there.

"Let it out, lil' darlin'… let go. It's alright. Just let go…"

And Jack did. He sobbed out his grief, he let himself mourn. He was mourning for the father that had died, and for all those things he'd never received from him, for the words of comfort and of pride, for the love and approval of a father that he'd always wanted, and that he would never get now.

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"You ready for this, rodeo?"

"Yes, Ennis. Let's go inside." with a deep breath, Jack opened the glass door of the real-estate office. A yellow folder in his hand held the scriptures to the ranch and other legal documents, originals and copies. He felt Ennis behind him, beside him. It's time, Jack.

"Hello, how may I help you?" the secretary greeted them as they walked in. She checked Jack out without much discretion, and immediately put on her best smile and pushed up her cleavage. Ennis tried hard to keep a straight face.

"Howdy, ma'm. I'm Jack Twist. Is the realtor busy? I want to put some property up for sale…" Jack knew his advantage, so he gave her his most charming and dimpled smile.

"Well, it's your lucky day, Mr. Twist, because he's actually free right now. Let me go tell him if he can see you."

"Why, thank you ma'm. This sure is my lucky day." he said with a wink. The secretary just giggled and went into the realtor's office, shaking her ass at Jack.

"Jeez, rodeo… could you be more of a fucking flirt? The woman was waggin' her ass at you like a goddam Labrador." said Ennis, just slightly disgruntled.

"Oh, come on now cowboy… you jealous?" Jack asked flashing him a teasing smile.

Ennis grunted in response.

"You know yours is the only ass I like to see wag" Jack whispered in his ear, pinching his but not too subtly.

Ennis blushed immediately, tried to choke his response… Ennis jr. wasn't being too cooperative. And, of course, the secretary chose that moment to return.

"You can go in now."

"Thank you very much… might I ask your name?"

"I'm Rita." answered the secretary, batting her eyelashes.

"Well, Rita, it's a pleasure. Now, if you'll excuse us, we'll go in to see your boss."

Jack walked into the office with Ennis trailing behind, still a little red. The secretary looked at him strangely, wondered what was wrong with the poor man.

"Hello, gentlemen, I'm Andy Johnson."

"Jack Twist."

"Ennis del Mar"

They shook hands all around, and sat down.

"I understand you'd like to put some property up for sale?". The man behind the desk looked to be in his fifties, had a protruding belly and sparse graying hair he attempted to arrange, unsuccessfully, to cover his incoming baldness. He was dressed in a somewhat discordant mustard yellow suit, but seemed like a good enough fellow.

"Yes, sir. My father passed away just recently, and he left me his ranch. I want to sell it, heard a few interested parties a while ago."

"My condolences… your father… would that be John Twist?"

"Yes, he was…"

"Hmm… well, you are right, Mr. Twist. There are a few people that have asked me about your ranch. Why don't we do this… I'll let word out that the ranch is on the market, wait for some good bids and call you when I have them?"

"Sure, that would be great. I'm staying at the ranch, for the moment. Here, let me write down the number." Mr. Johnson handed Jack a pen and a piece of paper. "Do you need to keep the scriptures and such?"

"Copies of them would be excellent."

"Here…" Jack opened his folder and handed him the copies. "Everything alright?"

"Yes, everything seems to be in order, Mr. Twist." Mr. Johnson inspected the papers carefully and set them on his desk.

"Alright, great. So… you'll call?" Jack asked, standing up.

"Yes, I'm fairly certain I'll be in touch soon." he stood up and shook hands with Jack and Ennis. "And again, I'm very sorry for your loss."

"Thank you."

Jack and Ennis walked out of the office, Jack giving Rita a cheerful wave and flirty wink before stepping out.

"Wanna get something to drink, cowboy?"

"Actually… I'm in the mood for something other than a drink now, rodeo." answered Ennis.

Jack turned to look at him, surprised, until he saw the desire in Ennis' eyes, the slight twinkle letting him know what he was thirsty for.

"That pinch a yours got me all hot and bothered" Ennis whispered, "so I think it's only fair you take care of it."

Jack laughed out loud. He couldn't believe Ennis was actually saying these things, never mind saying them while they were out on the street. He had a feeling they had both slowly become more comfortable with being together, a comfort that could only be brought on by time shared, time together… enough at last.

"Well, we can't have that, can we cowboy? We best hurry on back to the ranch." Jack said, beaming.

Ennis just nodded. It was good to see Jack laughing again, smiling again… His rodeo was alright. And with that thought in mind, he hurried along with Jack towards the pick up, impatient for Jack to slake his thirst.

TBC

Thanks so much for the feedback! Seriously make me happy : )


	15. Chapter 14

Special thanks to those who reviewed last chapter, your feedback makes me so happy **thiZZorDIE**, **asara kaden**, **onefreetoroam** and **busternyc**- thanks so much for reviewing! I'm so glad you like this story.

Disclaimer: I do not own Brokeback Mountain or it's wonderful characters, they are sole property of Annie Proulx and Focus Features and are used for entertainment purposes only.

**I dreamed a dream**

Chapter 14

"Jack? Where you at, rodeo?" Ennis' voice echoed in the empty barn.

Jack had jumped out of the pick-up, yelling for Ennis to come after him. Ennis had turned off the car, unable to keep himself from smiling at the way Jack looked, running into the barn like a little kid. No matter how much time passed, how old they were or what rough times Jack went through, he always had that youthful capacity for happiness, for laughter, for hope… Ennis shuddered to remember how all that had almost been lost in silence, bitterness and fear.

So here he was, playing hide and seek in a barn. Damn fool rodeo.

"Jack?"

"Come on, Ennis! Try an' find me…" a voice answered to his right.

"Jack, come out now! I ain't gonna be lookin' for you all day long, you hear?"

"Aw, Ennis, c'me on! Try!"

So Ennis started his quest again, going deeper into the barn and making his way around some haystacks.

"Hmm… Jack fuckin' Twist… playin' like a five year old… I'm a forty year old man… honestly… damn fool rodeo…"

Ennis grousing was cut short when a pair of hands covered his eyes.

"I'm right here, cowboy." Jack's whisper close to his ear made Ennis shiver. "Come and get me?" the soft, teasing words were enough to make Ennis' heart start racing and to bring his dick to full attention. He took Jack's hands in his own, slowly lowered them and turned around to face him.

Lusty cobalt eyes met gold-flecked brown ones and before any words were spoken, Ennis covered Jack's lips with his own, hands caressing his face, making their way along his body.

He leaned back from the kiss, making Jack whimper slightly at the loss, and in one fluid motion he threw him on top of the nearest haystack, straddling him with his thighs.

"Got you." he declared.

Jack smiled and grabbed the collar of Ennis' shirt to bring him down for a kiss.

Before long, they were both moaning and desperate for closer contact, ridding themselves of boots, jeans and shirts.

"Ennis… Ennis, need you inside me, cowboy."

Ennis pushed into Jack, feeling the incredible pleasure and warmth, knowing nothing could ever feel so good, so right.

"Oh, Jack…"

Pushing in, out, strong, loud, tight, warm… and then release.

Ennis collapsed on top of Jack, slowly disengaging himself.

Jack breathed in deep, feeling dizzy with pleasure, lost in the afterglow.

"We should play hide and seek more often."

Their laughter resonated in the barn.

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Mrs. Twist was in the kitchen, quietly listening to Jack talking with the man who had come to look at the property.

He seemed like a good enough type, around his fifties, graying brown hair and a bushy brown beard. And from what she could hear, he seemed very interested in owning the ranch.

"Well, it sure is a good piece o' land… bit run down, but that can be taken care of."

"What would you use it for?" Jack asked.

He and Ennis had been walking around the property with the man, a Mr. Christopher. The real-estate office had apparently gotten plenty of interest and Jack had arranged for a few people to come up and discuss things with him. Mr. Christopher was the man Jack had overheard talking about the ranch not very long ago, so he had high hopes for selling the place for a good price.

"Reckon the fields would be good for a hay farm, some cattle, some horses. Not so much for plantin'…" Mr. Christopher trailed off and considered Jack carefully. "Listen, I know you're probably worried about leavin' this ranch in good hands and such… so I took the liberty of writing down a few references, you can call and make sure."

Ennis' eyebrows shot up. Damn, this man sure wants the ranch…

"Thank you, Mr. Christopher, it was very thoughtful of you."

"No problem. And here, this is what I'm prepared to offer for the ranch." he handed Jack a small white card. Jack kept his expression carefully neutral.

"Well, I'll look everything over and I'll call you as soon as I make a decision, Mr. Christopher. Thank you very much for coming."

"No, thank you. Have a nice day. Ma'm." shaking both Jack's and Ennis' hands and nodding to Mrs. Twist, he stepped outside and took off.

Jack turned to look at Ennis. Slowly, a grin spread through his face.

"Good offer, rodeo?"

"Oh, Ennis… unbelievable. The man is desperate for this place."

Jack turned to look at his mother, still silently looking on from the kitchen.

"Momma, what do you think? Did you like Mr. Christopher?"

Mrs. Twist smiled softly. She knew how much her judgment mattered to Jack, she understood that if she didn't approve Jack wouldn't be able to sell the ranch.

"Yes, son. He seemed like a fine man, polite… and I'm sure he'll take good care of the ranch."

Jack smiled in relief. But he had to ask one last thing…

"Momma… do you think… do you think my dad would've approved?" he asked in a small voice.

Mrs. Twist took Jack's hand in her own, smiling softly.

"Yes, son. I think he would have."

So it was that a few days later, Jack decided to make the call. Ennis stood next to him while he talked on the phone with Mr. Christopher, arranging a time for contracts to be signed and money to be deposited. When he hung up, he went outside with Ennis, taking a long look at the plains before him, at the old barn, at the recently mended fences.

That was it. He was free of this place at last.

"Ennis… let's go on a fishing trip."

Ennis looked at him for a while, and with a small grin gracing his face, he nodded.

"Alright rodeo. Let's go on a fishing trip."

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They were towards the Bighorn Mountains, both feeling they needed to visit Brokeback Mountain once again, knowing that it was the place to put many demons to rest and to somehow inaugurate their new lives, together.

Mrs. Twist was settled in Gillette, not having many possessions she had simply taken the bare essentials and had been gladly received by her brother and her sister in law. Uncle Harold and Aunt Muriel had made a fuss out of Jack, 'so grown up now, isn't he handsome' which had made Jack feel like a four year old instead of a man almost forty, and if they had guessed on the nature of his relationship with Ennis, they did not comment on it.

And so it was, that after having left Mrs. Twist in good hands, they headed to Interstate 25, going south to reach the Bighorns.

"Remember the first time we were in a pick-up together?" Jack asked.

Ennis, who was driving, smirked slightly at the memory.

"Sure enough… we had to sleep in that damn hunk o' metal a yours."

"Hey, it was either sleeping in my hunk of metal or out in the cold…" Jack chuckled "Ah, that cunt truck sure gave me a hard time…"

"You wouldn't stop your jabberin'… that night I knew I was going to have sore ears for two months."

"Yeah, and you barely spoke a word! I wasn't exactly too excited about having to talk to the damn sheep for those two months…" Jack shot back. "But even then Ennis, I felt something was different… like you was a person I had to get to know, like you was someone who was going to change my life in some way."

They were quiet for a moment, both remembering those first days up on the mountain, when they were but nineteen and on top of the world… with a thousand sheep and each other for company.

"You would always look at me with those big, blue eyes a yours… always smilin', bitchin' bout everything… playing that darned harmonica… I felt something different too, Jack." he took a small breath, and quietly said "I felt that for the first time in my life, someone really cared who I was."

Jack smiled at him, putting a hand on his shoulder for a moment. Then, he turned the radio higher and started singing along off-key

"Yeah he was a friend o mine…"

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"Ennis… Ennis…" Jack tried to shake him awake while keeping a hand on the wheel and an eye on the dark road.

"Hmm?"

"Let's stop, it's gettin' late… I just saw a sign for a town called Mayoworth, off the Interstate… Reckon we should head there, try an' find a motel."

"Sure enough…" he paused for a moment. "Mayoworth? What the hell kinda name is that?"

"It's the name o the place where we're sleeping, so shut up."

And so Jack took the small road off Interstate 25 towards the town of Mayoworth, a strange feeling of anticipation in his chest.

The lights of the small town were ahead, the light of the full moon on the road… and beside him Ennis.

Jack smiled.

TBC

Author's note: a fairly transitional chapter, hope you like it : ). Also, for the purposes of my story I decided to set Brokeback Mountain near the Bighorn Mountains.

Thanks so much for the feedback!


	16. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I do not own Brokeback Mountain or it's wonderful characters, they are sole property of Annie Proulx and Focus Features and are used for entertainment purposes only

**I dreamed a dream**

Chapter 15

The motel room was… well, like a motel room. Jack smiled, remembering the infamous Siesta Motel of long ago… that day that had been the confirmation of his wildest wishes and the crumbling of his fledging hopes at once. He sat down, started to take off his boots.

"What're you smilin' at, rodeo?"

"Remember the Siesta Motel, Ennis?"

"Hmph, how could I forget? You made enough noise that night that I couldn't show my face there again." answered Ennis, mouth curling up.

"Hey!" Jack shoved him, "If I recall aright, you weren't that quiet yourself!"

And looking at Jack, flustered and indignant like a little kid, Ennis just let himself laugh out loud. It was a deep rumbling sound, that type of laughter that isn't used often, but when used is the happiest sound in the world.

Jack chuckled along, eventually leaning over and whispering,

"I think it's about time we see who's loudest, huh?" his hands doing wicked things underneath Ennis's shirt and perilously nearing his waistband.

Ennis swallowed, nodded and couldn't bite back a moan. Damn, Jack was a vindictive little shit sometimes. And he liked it.

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Ennis woke up at the crack of dawn, as always slightly surprised at the fact that Jack was there next to him, that it wasn't some hopeful dream. It always took him a few seconds to test the solidness of the reality, to breathe in the distinctive smell of the man next to him, to feel his warmth. He relished these moments, when he could hold Jack close, with absolute tenderness… there was a strange vulnerability in him, he didn't feel the need to be tough and hard… he simply was.

But it was time to get moving if they wanted to get to Brokeback in good time.

"Rodeo…" he whispered gently. "Jack… time to wake up, lil' darlin'…"

Jack mumbled something unintelligible and burrowed deeper into the covers.

"Jack… c'me on…" Ennis said a little louder.

The man next to him didn't give any signs of having heard him.

"Alright rodeo, no more playin' nice. You asked for it."

With that, Ennis got out of the bed, went into the bathroom and came out with a glass of water. In one swift movement he tore back the covers and dumped the water on the stubborn sleeper.

"Holy Shit! Ennis!" Jack jumped out of bed, sputtering and shivering. "You son of a whoreson bitch!"

Ennis smiled slightly. Ah, nobody could curse quite like his rodeo.

"What was that for?"

"Well, you wouldn't wake up and we need to leave soon" shrugged Ennis.

Jack shot him a dark glare and passed him on his way to the bathroom, attempting to look dignified though failing miserably. It was hard to manage dignity when your hair was plastered to your face.

When they were both dressed and ready, something of a truce called between them, they got into the pick-up and decided to look for a place to have some breakfast.

Ennis knew that there was no talking to Jack until he had his first cup of hot Joe, so he just drove quietly. He was also quite aware that when he least expected it, Jack would take his revenge. And it probably wasn't going to be quite as pleasant as the last time.

He finally brought the truck to a stop outside a likely looking place. The Blind Onion. Hmm, people sure came up with weird names nowadays… but it looked clean and friendly enough, and more importantly, it had coffee.

They got out of the car, went inside and sat down on a booth by the window. Jack was still disgruntled and subhuman. Probably planning the payback, Ennis reflected, with a slight shudder. Ah hell, it was worth it just for the look in his face.

"Good mornin'! My name is Sophie and I'm your waitress today. Will you be wantin' coffee?"

Ennis looked up to a bright smiled, red-haired, curvaceous woman in her mid-thirties. She was entirely too chirpy for the hour… and she was giving Jack a very thorough and interested gaze.

So, biting back hostility, Ennis simply nodded his head.

When the coffee was poured, Jack drained his cup in one go, not minding the slight scalding of his tongue. The brown liquid was strong, fresh and hot, precisely what he needed. So when the waitress came 'round again to take their order, he was feeling quite a lot more chatty.

"So, do you two gentleman know what you're havin'?"

Jack smiled at her, Twist charm turned on full blast.

"Well… Sophie, right?" she nodded, leaning slightly towards him. "What would you recommend? I trust your judgment."

She smiled giddily and leaned towards him. Lacy bra, he noted.

Ennis, on the other hand, fought the urge to kick Jack under the table. Then again, he reflected philosophically, the poor woman probably doesn't realize just how little Jack is lured by her bra...

"Mah personal favorite is the scrambled eggs with bacon and a side of hash browns… I could bring you an English muffin as well." Sophie answered.

English muffin stud, you sure are a winner this morning.

"That sounds heavenly. Thanks very much for the tip." said Jack, winking.

"And what will you have, sir?" she finally turned to Ennis. Ruggedly handsome, very… but too quiet.

"I'll have the same."

"Right. I'll be back with your plates in a jiffy."

With that, she sauntered towards the kitchen, throwing her hair back once to look at Jack over her shoulder.

Jack chuckled lightly. Ennis looked darkly up at him.

"Ah, hell Ennis, I cain't hardly help it if waitresses find me attractive!" he said, smiling infuriatingly. For a fleeting moment, Ennis preferred the quiet, pre-coffee Jack.

"Well, no Jack, but you sure as hell don't need to flirt with every single one!"

"Look at this way, it got us English muffins." he paused for a beat. "Plus, it ain't my fault you're more successful with waitresses in bars."

"Oh, hush."

Their food came, and Sophie's recommendation was good after all. They ate quietly, occasionally sharing a look and when they were done, they asked for the check. They paid, Jack making sure to leave a hefty tip, and took their leave of the sassy waitress.

"You be sure to come again, y'hear?"

"Will do, ma'm." Jack answered, thousand-watt grin in place. Ennis shoved him out to the car.

"Come on now, lover boy, time to get to the mountain."

Jack looked out the window with interest as they headed towards the Interstate. Mayoworth was a small town, but very beautiful. It wasn't quite as bare and wind-swept as most Wyoming towns, he felt a strange homeliness about it.

"I like this town." he declared.

Ennis had to agree.

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They were back to the mountain at last. Setting up camp, an exercise as natural to them as breathing, both moving with perfect synchrony. Ennis pitched up the tent, not having to worry about it being crooked because it was the fancy one Jack had bought. Jack, meanwhile, set up a fire ring, made sure the food was secure above the ground.

They were both breathing in deeply, each breath bringing a memory forth, each exhalation a confirmation that this wasn't a dream, that they were here again, but truly together now.

They did what they had always done. Went riding out, early in the morning, catching the sunrise… letting themselves be bathed in the warm, gentle light of the dawning sun, letting themselves be imbued with the mountain. The fresh, cold air whipping around them, suspended over the real world. Freedom.

Only this time, they could enjoy it all the more, because the old sense of urgency and fear was gone. They weren't going to part when they came down the mountain this time.

It was like being nineteen again. Jack bitched about the beans, took out a harmonica he had packed without Ennis's knowledge and played it with as much talent as he had last time.

"See, now you don't got the excuse of the damn thing being flattened… just admit it, rodeo, you ain't any good with a harmonica."

Ennis had to move quickly to duck the boot flying his way.

One day, Ennis found Jack sitting quietly, a little ways from the camp. He knew, with startling certainty that it was the very place he had found Jack the day after that first time, all those years ago. He remembered his fear, his desire… his one sentence. And Jack, quick to reply, at once hopeful and sad.

He sat down next to him.

"Jack… it ain't a one-shot thing. It never was." he took Jack's hand in his.

Jack smiled.

"I know, Ennis. I always knew."

No more words were spoken as both men looked at the setting sun, casting rays of burnt red, orange and amber around them, the mountain magical in the evening light.

After a week, they packed up and got ready to leave. Being there had helped Jack come to terms with his father's death… and his father's life. He knew that if anything, he owed the old man the lesson of what kind of father not to be. He felt like he could be free of his memory and his towering disapproval at last. He was finally living the life he had wished for, he was with Ennis at long last.

Ennis could see the peace the mountain gave Jack, and realized that he was making peace with himself as well. By being confronted with the memory of the summer of '63, he was learning to come to terms with himself, with who he really was.

When the last things were loaded, Jack and Ennis took one long look around them.

Brokeback Mountain.

The embodiment of their youthful hopes. Their personal heaven. The beginning of their hell. And now, where they were starting anew.

Their mountain.

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Ennis was driving again, Jack humming along to the radio. They were in fact heading back towards Mayoworth, because Jack had declared he was hungry and wanted to visit the Blind Onion Diner once again. Ennis figured that what he really wanted was free muffins.

Suddenly, Jack sat up.

"Ennis! Ennis, pull over a second!"

Ennis, alarmed, brought the pick-up to a stop on the side of the road.

"What is it Jack, somethin' wrong?"

"No… Look, cowboy."

Jack pointed towards a sign, blue eyes twinkling and smiling like a kid at Christmas. Ennis read the sign curiously, comprehension dawning in his features.

'Ranch for Sale. Property 20 minutes away from Mayoworth. Ask inside for information.'

TBC

Author's note: this was a chapter with quite a light mood, what can I say? The Christmas cheer is getting to me, plus, it's my birthday on Friday : )

Feedback is SO appreciated!


	17. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: I do not own Brokeback Mountain or it's wonderful characters, they are sole property of Annie Proulx and Focus Features and are used for entertainment purposes only.

A/N: Thanks so much for the feedback! Next update will be a little later, 'cause I'm heading to the beach to celebrate New Year's with my family for a week and a bit... so Happy New Year!

**I dreamed a dream**

Chapter 16

"Uh… hello?" Jack called out. "Anyone home?"

They were standing outside the ranch house. Jack had insisted they stop and go look at the ranch, ask for information.

'It's a signal, Ennis! The sign is there for us, we can't just drive away!'

Grumbling about signs being there for everyone, damn flighty rodeos and such, Ennis turned right into the dirt lane heading to the ranch. But, secretly, he felt like Jack did... the little town of Mayoworth had given him a good feeling and if he had to be honest, the sign made him feel just as excited.

"House ain't in the best shape." Ennis noted. Which was a slight understatement, the wooden structure was the worse for wear, the paint was peeling…

"We'll whip it right into shape, cowboy! It'll be great." answered Jack, already imagining the house after the work, as always the dreamer.

"Now if someone could come and show us the damn place." muttered Ennis.

"Good afternoon, can I help you?" asked a voice close behind them.

They both turned around to see a short, thin, blond woman, seemingly in her mid-forties.

"Good afternoon, ma'm. I'm Jack Twist, this is Ennis del Mar." Jack smiled, tipping his hat. Ennis just nodded. "We saw the sign by the freeway and we wanted to see the property."

"Well, my name is Martha Christopher." she extended her hand and shook both their hands. "And I'll be glad to show you the damn place." she continued, shooting a sly glance at Ennis.

Ennis blushed and looked down, while Jack chuckled lightly.

"I'll take you around the land first, alright? Follow me."

"Sure thing, ma'm." answered Jack, and they started walking next to Martha, looking closely at the fields, the barn, the crops.

"Now, I'll be honest with you, I ain't a real ranch expert." said Martha, ruefully shrugging her shoulders. "This was my daddy's ranch, I moved out after high school and never came back… but it's mine now, and I want to sell it. Want to make sure it stays in good hands, too."

"I understand perfectly." said Jack "Was just in the same situation myself… I know how you feel."

Martha glanced at Jack, surprised but pleased. These two cowboys seemed like very good candidates for the sale.

"Now, my dad had a hay field over here, you can see the stacks." she pointed to her left. "And he had a small herd, but we had to sell them 'cause we needed to pay for the hospital expenses, the burial…" she trailed off, looking sad. "In any case, see over there? Those were the fields for the herd, the stalls are there too."

"Good fields." said Ennis. "They have a good size, we could get a nice cow and calf operation going."

Jack smiled brilliantly, he couldn't believe Ennis remembered what he had said all those years ago, talking about the sweet life.

"And those are the horse stalls." Martha said, pointing to a wooden structure.

"It'll be great to have a place to put the horse, huh cowboy?"

Ennis nodded, a small grin on his face.

"Why don't we head back to the house, discuss things with a glass of lemonade?" Martha asked.

"Lead the way, ma'm." answered Jack, smiling with charm.

He just doesn't stop, thought Ennis fondly. Ah well, if his damn charm can get us a better deal then he better smile and wink extra hard.

They arrived to the house and sat down in the stucco chairs that were on the porch. Martha came out with a tray with glasses and a jar of lemonade.

"Lemme help with you with that." Ennis stood up and took the tray from her, placing it on the small table.

"Thank you. Let me get the papers, alrigth?" she went back into the house.

Jack leaned towards Ennis. "What'd you think, cowboy?"

"I like it… it needs hard work, but it's very promising. You rodeo?"

"I like it very much, too."

The squeak of the screen door let them know Martha was coming back, so Jack quickly retreated. Martha simply looked at them curiously before sitting down.

"Well, here is everything, the property deeds, so on and so forth."

Jack and Ennis looked over everything, pleased with the fact that everything seemed to be in order. Now, the only stone in the road was the price… if they couldn't meet it, then all their dreaming was for nothing.

"And what price are you askin'?" Jack ventured, trying to keep the slight fear from his voice.

"I looked it over with a real-estate agent… she came and looked at the property, and advised me on a good asking price…" she looked at them, eyes measuring. "Truth is, even though it's a good property, land-wise, the house and barn and such are in quite a bad shape… so this is the price I'm asking." Martha knew that from a sales point of view it was unwise to admit the flaws of the property, but she felt that they were good men, honest, hard-working. And she had to sell the ranch, she had a job back in Gillete, couldn't afford to spend more time here.

She handed a small card with a number written on it. Jack took it, hand trembling a bit and looked at the number. He fought to keep a reaction from his face. Without a comment, he passed the card to Ennis. Ennis looked at it, nodded, and gave it back to Jack.

"D'you think we could look inside the house before making a decision?" he asked. The price was perfect. It was definitely less than what they'd imagined, and he figured that they could make a substantial down-payment, pay the rest with their own work. Still, it wouldn't work to their advantage to accept immediately, they needed to haggle a bit.

"Certainly! Let's go in." Martha led the way, opening the screen door and ushering them inside.

"Here is the kitchen… that's the dining room… that's a bathroom… " she gave them a tour of the house, which was medium-sized. "It has three bedrooms, the master bedroom has it's own bathroom… here it is." she opened the door to the main bedroom, and Jack and Ennis followed her inside.

They looked around, Jack walking towards the window and suddenly coming to a sharp stop.

Ennis, intrigued, went to stand beside him and immediately knew what it was Jack was looking at.

Brokeback Mountain.

The ranch being so near the Bighorn Mountains it was obvious they'd be able to see them from a distance, but the fact that it was Brokeback the bedroom faced…

"It's perfect, Ennis." Jack breathed out, still transfixed by the view. Ennis nodded and put his hand on Jack's shoulder.

"Nice view, huh?" Martha's voice startled them out of their reverie and Ennis belatedly withdrew his hand from Jack's shoulder.

"The best." answered Jack.

"So… what do you think?"

"It's a very good property." started Jack "And you were right in saying that the house and barn aren't in the best shape… but they're solid structures, so they should be fine with some hard work."

Ennis let Jack do the talking, figured that all those years selling tractors with L.D. gave him the experience to handle this sort of thing.

"Ennis and I would keep this as a working ranch, not something else."

Martha relaxed visibly. She had been worried about some unscrupulous buyer turning the place into something like a gas station.

"Now, while we got money saved, we don't have enough to cover the full price at the moment."

Ennis wondered what Martha thought they were… he supposed that even if they tried to be discreet, it was obvious to a keen observer that they were close, and Jack was using 'we' all the time… he hoped prejudice wouldn't come into play.

"Well… how much could you pay, right now?" asked Martha.

Jack had already figured out how much they could safely offer, while keeping enough to get started. He knew it would be a close shave, but Ennis was an excellent ranch-hand, with years of experience… and Jack was damn good with animals, if he said so himself.

So he wrote down the number on the back of the card Martha had given to him and handed it to her.

Ennis and Jack waited nervously while Martha considered the number written on the card. Jack was biting his lips, tongue darting out every once in a while, and Ennis looked at him desperately whishing that either Jack would stop or Martha would leave, 'cause he was dying to kiss him. Damn fool of a tease…

Martha was deep in thought. The price Jack was offering was slightly less than what she'd asked for… but she remembered the prospective buyers she'd seen earlier this week. They had all wanted to turn the ranch into something else, convinced cattle and hay and crops couldn't make them the money they wanted. None of them had been people of the land, none of them ranchers or cowboys… and none of them had looked at the ranch like Jack and Ennis had. Martha could see that the men already loved this place. The look on their faces when they were staring out the bedroom window… it was as if they were seeing a dream come true. That was how her daddy had always looked at this place. And Martha would be damned if she was going to give this ranch to some cold business people instead of to someone who actually wanted to work this land. She felt comfortable with Jack and Ennis… they seemed like really good men, the type of people she'd be happy to befriend. And she could sense they weren't exactly friends, definitely not relatives… but what was it to her what they were? Everyone's entitled to live their own lives like they please.

She had a good job, she really didn't need the money… and she'd always regretted not sharing her father's interest in the land. This was the least she could do.

"Jack… Ennis" she turned to the expectant men. "We have a deal."

The happiness on their faces… it was indescribable. Jack laughed out loud, walked towards her and hugged her.

"Thank you so much, Mrs. Christopher." he said. "I can't tell you how grateful we are."

Martha just hugged him back. She looked over his shoulder at Ennis and could see in his eyes and in his smile his love for Jack and his absolute happiness. She knew she'd made the right decision.

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"Bobby… we got a place."

"Really, daddy? Wow! So that means I can come live with you now? Oh, daddy, I miss you! I can't wait to be there."

Jack smiled at how his son sounded more like an eager six-year-old than a surly teenager.

"Yeah, son. You'll be able to come real soon, but Ennis and me gotta fix the place up a bit first, alright?"

"Ok… but I wanna decorate my room!"

"You will, you will, I promise." answered Jack, laughing.

"Mom says I have to go, it's dinnertime…" said Bobby, sounding disgruntled.

"Well, go on son, have dinner. I'll call you soon, ok?"

"Ok, daddy. Love you!"

"Love you too, Bobby."

Jack hung up and headed back towards the table were Ennis and Martha were sitting. Jack had proposed that in celebration, they all head into town and have dinner at the Blind Onion. Martha had readily agreed and Ennis had simply huffed something that sounded suspiciously like muffins, leaving Martha slightly bewildered and Jack chuckling.

"So did you tell Lureen and Bobby?" asked Ennis immediately.

"Yup. Lureen was quite happy for me, and Bobby was thrilled… he wanted to come right now, was already planning how to decorate his room…" Jack smiled fondly.

Martha was looking a bit lost, so Jack decided to elaborate. "Lureen is my ex-wife and Bobby is my son. They live down in Texas, and after the divorce Bobby decided that he wanted to come live with me once I got settled down."

"And your ex-wife is alright with that?" asked Martha, surprised.

"Well… Lureen loves Bobby but she ain't ever been the motherin' type… and she understood that Bobby was old enough to decide by himself. He's fifteen." Jack explained.

Martha nodded. "Oh, I see… and you get along well with him?"

"Yes… I'll be glad when he can finally come."

"Well hello! Isn't this a pleasant surprise!" a somewhat shrill voice interrupted their conversation. The three of them turned to see the same red-haired waitress that had served Jack and Ennis breakfast a week ago.

"Hello, Sophie! How're you this evening?" asked Jack with a smile.

"Oh, aren't you just lovely! I'm doing great now." she said, putting her hand on Jack's shoulder. "I never caught your name, sweetheart."

"Well, I'm Jack Twist, he's Ennis del Mar..."

"And I'm Martha Christopher." added Martha.

"You're not Ronald's daughter?" asked Sophie, eyes wide.

"Yes, I am."

"Oh, darling! How great to finally meet you! Ronald always went on and on about her daughter, making it big as a lawyer in the city… what brings you here?"

"Well, I came to sell the ranch."

"No! And have you sold it? To whom?"

"To us, actually." answered Jack

Sophie smiled in obvious delight. "How wonderful!"

Martha had to choke back a chuckle… Sophie was all but throwing herself on Jack's lap while Ennis looked on, a mixture of merriment and anger on his features.

"Well anyway, what can I get you three?"

0

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Jack and Ennis were back in the ranch that was now theirs. While it barely had any furniture, they both had equipment to sleep without a bed, and Jack had insisted on sleeping in their new home.

They were standing by the window again, looking at Brokeback Mountain in the distance, softly lit by the moonlight.

"Ennis… we're home." said Jack, voice soft and full of feeling.

"We are, Jack. We are."

And he turned to kiss Jack deeply, attempting to convey all he felt, his happiness, his love in one kiss.

Outside, the moon shone brightly and Brokeback Mountain could be seen, keeping watch.


End file.
